People Who I Want To Punch

I think it's fair to warn you that this blog contains very strong language.


I think you can guess from the title what this blog will be about. Yes, it's about people who I want to punch, or in other words; people who I think are cunts. Now this blog is supposed to be funny and light-hearted, and it's not intended to be taken seriously before I get badgered by the stupid, humourless police. I wish no harm on these people (much), except they have offended me, or annoyed me, or are a talentless waste of good air, or who have generally pissed me off in some way. Often there is no reason at all.
This list is by no means exclusive; if you feel that people should be added, please feel free to reply with the names of the people who you want to punch; or your personal cunt list. You, of course, have the right to disagree. The list is not in any particular cuntish order.
I need to also add that this list does not contain any serious cunts. By this I mean your proper cunts; ie The Royal Family, The Pope, Most Politicians, The Tory Party, Dictators, Americans etc

Jim Davidson:
Now this man has always been a cunt. Not only is the man a racist, misogynistic, homophobic cunt; he's also been allegedly convicted for drink-driving. His jokes are racist, and he's been on the television expressing nasty comments about women and gay people. He's also a tax exile, so he's a robbing cunt as well. Plus, he's not funny. His "act" isn't funny. He is also a member of the Tory Party, and in the past has even spoken at their conferences; tells you a lot. If you look up the word "cunt" in the dictionary, there is a picture of Jim Davidson.

Jeremy Kyle:
Smug, self-righteous cunt.

Chantelle-Whats-Her-Name and Alex Reid
For a start, they sound thicker than a whale omelette when they speak; the combination of their IQ's wouldn't get near triple figures. They've been together five minutes and unfortunately, they are also the classic example that stupid people can breed easily, when they quite clearly shouldn't ever breed. They are both famous for being famous, when in fact, I want to punch them both in their cunt faces. He looks and sounds like he's had a fight with a waste compacter and lost. She just looks and sounds like a vacuous plastic bint. Cunts.

Shane Richie
Can't act, can't sing. Womaniser cunt. Annoying and crap. Cunt.

Michael McIntyre
He's not funny. His stupid shaking-head.

My Ex-Mate John (not his real name)
Obviously, you don't know him. Just take my word for it when I say he's a cunt. Within a few minutes of meeting him, you'd want to punch him in his face too. He's loaded and has a massive house, but that's not the reason he's a cunt. He's the meanest, tight-arsed git I have ever met. I have never seen him buy anyone a drink in the pub, and the pints I have bought him when I've been broke have never been bought back. He never returned our deposit on the house we were renting off him, because he's a cunt. He was throwing out an old cooker, and when a mate of his said she'd have it, he wanted money for it, despite saying he was going to throw it out anyway. Luckily, the mate told him to fuck off. He wears jumpers to go out that I would wear to paint the house; full of holes and stained. He used to drive the oldest shittiest smallest car, despite being over 6ft tall. He only bought a new one because the old one fell apart, and he bought himself an old knackered Chinquchento. Although driving it around, he looks hilarious in it with his knees under his chin. When his girlfriend mentioned marriage, he said, and I quote, "I'll marry you if you want, I suppose." The old romantic.
Although the one saving grace is that he got fired from his job for downloading hard core porn onto his work's PC. Hilarious.

The Cast of TOWIE. But mainly Amy Childs
I had to look her up as I didn't know her name. She's a treat, isn't she? All tits, lips and fake tan. The best is when she opens her mouth in that she makes Chantelle whats-her-name sound like Professor Brian Cox. She doesn't have a clue.

Matthew Wright, presenter of The Wright Stuff
See Jeremy Kyle

Jonathon Ross
Creepy. Smug. Not funny. Crap hair. Paid too much. Cunt.

Other people who I want to punch, but for no reason except they annoy me
Davina McCall
Jim Carrey
Martine McCutchen


Feel free to comment, remembering we're all doing this for a laugh.

Short Story of the Day: New Present for the Newly Weds - A Palace All of Their Own!

After we paid millions for their wedding; the happy couple, William & Kate now get to chose a mega-palace of their own, also paid for by the tax-payer, with it's own set of staff.

"We want THAT one!" They both said, opting for Kensington Palace as their "base". Being used to the best for doing very little real work, as was Wills birth right, one palace isn't obviously enough, this will only be their base.

"Oh, but it's in such a state of disrepair." said Wills.

"Don't worry." said the Queen, "Granny won't expect you to stay in a grotty place like the peasants do. Even though I am one of the richest people in the world, I'll allocate some of the tax payers money that could be used for the NHS to repair it for you! After all, we don't use the NHS. Economic crisis? What economic crisis?"

"Good idea, Granny." They both said, "In the mean time, we can take several holidays they can also pay for, because the stress of choosing a palace has been over-whelming.....but won't the peasants get a bit fed-up of us?"

"They may start to," said the Queen, "But there is something you can do."

"What is it Granny?"

"Well, there you know you're most important role, Kate?"

"Yes, Granny, " began Kate, "It's shaking the hands of important people AND peasants. I have to remember it's very hard, very important work, so I have to be well paid for it."

"No, that's not the most important job."

Kate thought some more, "I have to con people into thinking I'm a courageous lady by doing two hours work of cuddling babies a year and patronise their parents. I have to remember that people will compare me to Saint Diana."

"No."

Then Kate suddenly remembered, and Will spoke for her, "In the next few months, just as people start to get bored with us, your role begins."

Kate started to jump up and down with glee, "Oh yes, I'm to become the newest Royal Breeding Machine!" she exclaimed with joy.

"Yes," said the Queen with a grin, "With only 7 billion people on the planet, what the world and this country needs is another Consumer. Not your average consumer, but a very special consumer whose carbon footprint we don't even have bother trying to off-set! One that does absolutely nothing except go on holiday in it's own private jet!"

"Hurrah!" They all cried.

"There is one thing, " the Queen said, "If it's not a boy, you can fuck off."

I even made a short, amusing cartoon about it.

Generic Bland Pop, Westlife, Reality Checks and Amusing Tweets

Today we had the great news that Westlife had split up. Yes, a small victory for the war against dull generic bland pop is being celebrated.
If you're reading this, and you're a devastated fan, give yourself a slap around the face and get over it. You've got all their back catalogue and twenty "best of" albums to bore yourself to death with. As Oscar Wilde said, Westlife were, "Both original and good. Unfortunately, the original stuff wasn't good and the good stuff wasn't original." And that's putting it mildly. Yes, they were popular; but so is malaria.
To be fair to Westlife, they aren't the only band (and when I say "band", it is a loose term, as they didn't exactly play any instruments, so I prefer the term "group") who are dull. The charts are dominated by bland, generic pop. But I suppose Westlife could sing a bit, but as that was what they were - a group of singers - I would hope they could. So in a very real term, they were Kings of Bland. And apparently, they mimed anyway, which in my opinion is a real insult to their fans when they can't even be bothered to sing.

Twitter, as per usual, is full of devastated fans. I actually started to read the hashtag line, and couldn't believe how many adults are reacting to this as if it's a world disaster. Personally, I think anyone over the age of 16 and is "devastated" needs to give themselves a slap in the face and a reality check. I just wish demented fans would react to world hunger, war and other real problems the world faces with such gusto. I can sort-of understand why children liked them and are upset, but adults? Come on! Get over it.
But who cares about kids in Africa starving to death? Westlife have split up!!

The one saving grace is that it has led me to amusing 'tweets' and to compile ones of my own.

A couple of tweets of the day include:

@ShaneSaunders88 James Blunt, Britney Spears and #Westlife are on a sinking ship. Who gets saved? The world of music.

@wilhanafin #westlife make statement about splitting up. One of them read the statement, two of them mimed it & the other guy just looked bewildered.

@theCookra Today just got better, #westlife are splitting up! Make sure you do this right fella's don't follow take that's example.

Child-free men - well they just need a good talking to!

After making the conscious decision many years ago that I didn't want children, I think I've had all the questions, remarks and insults one can possible get for the past fifteen years or so. Or to those who have never heard the term: child-free or breeder bingo (see figure below).


But in all this, we have to remember men have to contend with breeder bingo too. Whether they 'get it' more or not, I don't know; but the child-free men out there certainly are on the receiving end of it on a regular basis; as my other half will testify.
Women and men also get patronised to by various "Mummy" or "Breeder" articles as I like to think of them. As this kindly web page tells us: http://okfreedate.com/m/articles/view/childfree

The article starts by flippantly labelling the child-free movement as, I quote: "a new fangled-trend", as if my being this way was a phase I was going through. It also explains how a woman can coerce - sorry - "find out the reasons for his sturdy resistance".

The article basically goes on to basically undermine, patronise and condescend both men and women.
It stereotypes women as something that, I quote, "Want to embrace a crying child" and "Have maternal instincts that unwittingly arise". Well I want a crying child to shut the fuck up and I've never had maternal feelings.
The article also stereo-types men as just insecure boys who are afraid of having children. The article then tells women how to address the issues and that men just need a good talking to.

Whilst insecurities and fear might be the case for some men, the article does not once acknowledge that many men don't actually want children. Not now, not ever. Not because they are "afraid", but because they actually just don't to have children. No, men are all conveniently put into one box and it does not once give a man any credit for thinking for himself and thinking for more than a second about whether ot not to breed.
The article doesn't, at any point ever explain how wrong it is for his partner to coerce him into it. Nor that it's not right for anyone - family, society, friends - to coerce him.

Sadly, there are many articles like this - as are some women - who don't acknowledge that not everyone wants to breed, that not everyone wants to produce another consumer of the world's vastly dwindling resources.

Whilst there are many caring fathers out there, who love being a dad and wanted to be a dad; I also suspect that there are millions of men out there who have caved in to pressure from their partners who have coerced them, or from family and society's expectations, who have had children - and now regret it, or at least if they had their time over again, would not make the same decision.

One other thing that irritated me about this ill-informed article, was that is said how wonderful parenthood was, and if it wasn't, "the childfree movement would have numbered millions of volunteers". Message to the author of the article: we do have millions.

My Letter to the Family of Troy Davis

To the Family of Troy Davis,

We have been following Troy's case for a number of years now; and although we never met him, we do feel we got to know him, even though he didn't know us personally.
The torture for Troy and yourselves over the years must have been horrendous at times, yet throughout the years that you have been fighting for justice, you have all been dignified and courageous.

Over the last week or so especially, our hearts have been in pieces. I cannot imagine how Troy and yourselves have been feeling.

Yesterday, our hearts were broken.

The only small shred of comfort we feel throughout this travesty of justice, is that we know Troy died knowing he was going to a better place. A place where he is free from hate and free from injustice.

I know you will miss him so much, and that you are heart-broken, but I also know you have faith that you will all be together again, someday.

Our thoughts are with you at this time.

God Bless You All.
We are Troy Davis.

love from
Jackie and David Crossley
Leeds, England.




If you wish to send a message of support to Troy's Family, you can do it here: http://bit.ly/nlq0PT via Amnesty International

Troy Davis: the lynchings have never gone away. But tonight, it's behind a legal face.

The lynchings have never stopped, it is alive and well in the state of Georgia, America.

I have always been against the death penalty; it is wrong all the time, every time. It is the worst form of pre-meditated murder. It is abhorrent for dozens of different reasons; too many to talk about. It's state sponsored revenge of the worst kind and is used disproportionately on people of colour and the poor. And has also been used on the innocent many times.
Troy Davis is one of them. Troy Davis is to be killed, for a crime he is highly likely not to have committed, at midnight tonight, UK time.

Troy Davis was convicted 20 years ago for killing a police man and was sentenced to death.

Of the nine witnesses; seven have now modified or retracted their testimony, three of those have said they were coerced by police to name Davis as the murderer. Four of the witnesses have admitted lying in court. The murder weapon was never found, and there was NO physical evidence; such as DNA, to link Davis to the murder. One of the jurors in the original case has even come forward and said that if he knew what he knew now, he would have found Troy innocent.
The case has nothing to rest on. Nothing. Under a civilised justice system, there is nothing to convict him, nevermind executing him.

I have followed Troy's case for a number of years now and I had a bad feeling this week that the pleas for clemency would be rejected. I was sadly proved right. I wish I wasn't. Troy, his family and thousands upon thousands of supporters world-wide have been campaigning for years. But Georgia just wants this nigger off their back. His family & supporters - as far as Georgia is concerned - will go away once they murder him.

How can any human being sleep at night when they have the power of life or death? That is what the parole board have. How can they say, "This person deserves to die"?......no sorry, it's more like "This innocent person deserves to be tortured for 20 years, than suffer the worst kind of pre-meditated murder."

Yes, it's torture. Being made to wait as your life hangs in the balance at the hands of fucking rednecks IS torture. Being made to wait whilst they decide whether to murder you or not, is torture.

How can President Obama sit and allow this to happen? He is the most powerful man in the world and has the power to stop this. He is a black man, he knows the injustices that happen to people of colour. But he sits by and does nothing. He has blood on his hands, just like the executioner does, like the Georgia parole board has. The same as the real murderer of the policeman has. They are no different, it just has the face of the law behind it.

I think this song and video sums this up. Billie Holiday: Stange Fruit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs

Having a Baby to "Save Your Marriage".....oppps

Seems to be a popular thing amongst idiots: Having a baby to "save your marriage".

It certainly seems to be popular amongst the celebs of this world, namely the stupid ones. The ones who haven't been in the press for five minutes and who are generally famous for doing nothing else but being famous. Beyonce announced that she's having a baby "to save her marriage" and Cheryl Cole considered it. Both Jordon and Kerry Katona did it - so obviously if they both did it, it must work!...........oh yeah.
And why is it mostly the women who decide or agree to this when they are usually the ones married to the winner of "Mr Dumb Fuckwitt of the Year", "Mr Can't Keep His Cock in his Trousers" and "Mr Inconsiderate Selfish Pig" awards.

But just because something is popular, doesn't make it sensible.

Okay, I'm going to be bias on the whole breeding thing; ie in the way that I'm never going to do it. But how does a baby save a marriage? Any couple will tell you (and lets face it, "the baby" is all they can talk about, yawn); the stress on a couple goes up a million when they have a baby. You don't ever sleep again, and this isn't for a few weeks, this is for years. You're too exhausted for sex, you're always too worried and unless you're a celeb, you have no money. And this is just the start of it. You argue about everything from "the best way to raise a child" to "who gave Little Johnny those ears?"

So I ask again; how does being constantly exhausted, frequent arguments and being constantly worried and having no sex help an already troubled marriage? Consider this, Fuckwitt Celeb; you're married to Other Fuckwitt Celeb Who Can't Keep his Cock in his Trousers. Chances are, if he is a lazy, mean, sex-mad wanker who treats you like a doormatt; he's not going to suddenly wake up a day later as Dad of the Year.

Divorces post-baby sky-rocket. So what makes you think your already crap marriage is going to be suddenly lovey-duvey days away in the Land of Happy?

So if you even think it, I advise strongly to not even consider it. Unfortunately, the stupid seem to be able to breed easier.

Not only that, if your marriage isn't exactly a bed of roses, you'll be probably subjecting a lot of pressure on Little Johnny Marriage-Saver; and subjecting the poor brat to constant arguments and shouting; followed by a nasty divorce where the child is used as a weapon, and his constatly hoisted from one house to another, from one bitter parent to another. Great start in life for Poor Little Johnny Marriage-Saver, sorry Breaker.