Sunday, 8 April 2012

Child-Free in a Nutshell

Sleepless nights. No money. No lie-ins. No 'me' time. No peace and quiet. No freedom. Screaming babies. Toddler tantrums. Nappies. Baby sick. Breast feeding. Weaning. Constant worrying. Expensive holidays at peak time. Babies on planes. Toddlers on planes. Allergies. Teenagers. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Sex. No sex. Eating dinner far too early. Constant moaning. Constant complaining. Teenage tantrums. Bad behaviour. Constant interruptions. Rude children. Ingratitude. Paedophiles. Too many cars. Sensible car. Drugs. Teenage pregnancy. STD's. Expensive designer children's clothing. Constant demands. Carbon footprint. Overpopulation. Crap TV. Crap music. Postman Pat. Health of baby. Health of child. Accidents. You must do this. You must do that. Labour. Labour complications. Morning sickness. No soft cheeses, no rare meat, no shellfish. No wine. Pregnancy. Pregnancy complications. Episiotomies. Tearing. Pain. Sore nipples. Saggy tits. Saggy belly. Wrinkles. Arranging baby sitters. No spontaneity. Need a bigger house. Need a garden. Can't afford this. Can't afford that. Watch your language. Watch your behaviour. Worry. Worry. Worry. Bullying at school. School exams. University. Grandchildren. Babysitting grandchildren. Selfish children. Selfish adults. Still living at home at 25. Still living at home at 30. Death.

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