Sunday, 6 November 2011

Short Story of the Day: New Present for the Newly Weds - A Palace All of Their Own!

After we paid millions for their wedding; the happy couple, William & Kate now get to chose a mega-palace of their own, also paid for by the tax-payer, with it's own set of staff.

"We want THAT one!" They both said, opting for Kensington Palace as their "base". Being used to the best for doing very little real work, as was Wills birth right, one palace isn't obviously enough, this will only be their base.

"Oh, but it's in such a state of disrepair." said Wills.

"Don't worry." said the Queen, "Granny won't expect you to stay in a grotty place like the peasants do. Even though I am one of the richest people in the world, I'll allocate some of the tax payers money that could be used for the NHS to repair it for you! After all, we don't use the NHS. Economic crisis? What economic crisis?"

"Good idea, Granny." They both said, "In the mean time, we can take several holidays they can also pay for, because the stress of choosing a palace has been over-whelming.....but won't the peasants get a bit fed-up of us?"

"They may start to," said the Queen, "But there is something you can do."

"What is it Granny?"

"Well, there you know you're most important role, Kate?"

"Yes, Granny, " began Kate, "It's shaking the hands of important people AND peasants. I have to remember it's very hard, very important work, so I have to be well paid for it."

"No, that's not the most important job."

Kate thought some more, "I have to con people into thinking I'm a courageous lady by doing two hours work of cuddling babies a year and patronise their parents. I have to remember that people will compare me to Saint Diana."


Then Kate suddenly remembered, and Will spoke for her, "In the next few months, just as people start to get bored with us, your role begins."

Kate started to jump up and down with glee, "Oh yes, I'm to become the newest Royal Breeding Machine!" she exclaimed with joy.

"Yes," said the Queen with a grin, "With only 7 billion people on the planet, what the world and this country needs is another Consumer. Not your average consumer, but a very special consumer whose carbon footprint we don't even have bother trying to off-set! One that does absolutely nothing except go on holiday in it's own private jet!"

"Hurrah!" They all cried.

"There is one thing, " the Queen said, "If it's not a boy, you can fuck off."

I even made a short, amusing cartoon about it.


  1. I'm going out on a limb here and speculating that you are NOT a fan of the Royal Family! Nice blog, though - very funny!