Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Am I a slob, or am I just relaxed and laid-back?

I declare here and now, that I don't like housework, and I am untidy. In fact, my personal motto is:
"Only dull people have immaculate houses."
OK, I'm nowhere near your Wayne and Waynetta-type, nor would I qualify for "How Clean is Your House?" (Although, I don't know, as I've never seen the pr

My mother, the seldo
m times that she visits, looks around the living room with that "smelt a smell" look on her face. She makes sly comments like, "Ooo, I see you still have those wires trailing behind the TV." I just know that she wants to grab and duster and rush around like a demented shrew.
Don't get me wrong, if my husband decided to be suddenly anal about tidying, I wouldn't actively stop him. In fact, I would gently encourage it. Anyway, that isn't going to happen, he's that bit lazier than me.

The biggest complement I can give my house-keeping skills, is that my house looks "lived-in". And when I say "lived-in" I mean like a house lived in by lazy people.

But am I truly lazy? Am I a true slob? Does my anti-house-work motto really mean that I'm disgusting?

I just can't understand how people can be so obsessive about being tidy. It takes far too much time! Time that could be spent doing something far more productive; like being on the computer, watching TV, reading, girlie shopping, going out or sitting in the garden on a lovely day. Or anything you want.

There was a discussion about vacuum cleaners at work (how exciting). I declared that I couldn't understand how people can spend hundreds of pounds on a Dyson - it's a fucking vacuum cleaner! Does it get itself out, vacuum up by itself,
empty itself and put itself back in the cupboard? NO! For that much, I'd WANT it doing the above. Several people then stated that they have a Dyson and that they are fantastic. WTF? It's a vacuum cleaner!!! Mine broke a few months ago, and I really begrudged spending £40 on a new one. £300 for a vacuum? You could sensibly spend £40 and spend the other £260 on great wine or great food or flights for a holiday. If I told my husband I'd spent £300 on a vac, he'd hit the roof - and rightly so!
And when I do vac, I don't move the furniture - SHOCK, HORROR! Why would I? It's far too much effort, for a start and no one goes looking under the sofa for bits of muck. I vac a bit under the rug, because that moves itself, but other than that - NO!
I find it bizarre, that these people who are anal about house work, and spend hours on it, are often the same people who say they don't have time to cook properly. I wonder why? Surely, feeding your family good, healthy balanced meals is far more important for their health. OK, I enjoy cooking, and will happily spend time on it. But that's because I get something at the end of it - a great meal. Plus I know exactly what I've put in it.

Then there are the obsessives. My mother being one of them. Whenever I go round, she says, "Ooo, the house is untidy", when it quite clearly isn't. I mean, it's immaculate to the point you could perform open-heart surgery on the living room floor - just as long as you didn't get blood anywhere.
I go there, sit down with a cup of tea in one hand, the remote control next to me and the TV times next to me. I'll nip off to the bathroom, and when I come back, the remote will be back in it's own little remote control holder, the TV mag back in the magazine rack, and the mug washed, dried and put away.
I feel like saying, "How fucking long was I away? 24 hours and not 45 seconds?"

There are other people who I would regard as obsessive. One person who I work with has to be at work for 8am. She gets up at 5am everyday, cleans the bathroom, vacuums through and mops every room and tidies, THEN gets the kids up at 6.30! EVERY DAY! WTF?? Just how dirty can a house get in 24 hours, FFS?! 5am!! The only time I am up at 5
am, is if I am working a night shift, or I'm getting up at stupid o'clock to catch a flight to go on holiday - or I haven't been to bed. Incidentally, it's also another reason why I'm Child-Free by Choice.
I just cannot understand why people are so obsessive, I really can't. Those who wash their bedding twice or three times a week??! WHAT? How dirty ARE YOU?

As for nagging your other half about tidying up, how is that any good? If I fancy a lazy day, I have one. So I don't mind if him indoors does, either. Although I do
want him to do some things, I don't really care if he does very little. But that's only cos it saves me doing it. So what if last nights pots aren't always washed that evening? Life is too short to nag about it.

Well, in a nutshell, am I a slob or just relaxed and laid-back? Decide for yourself.
At least I'm not neurotic, obsessive and anal. If you think I'm a slob, you can come and tidy up if you want.


  1. holy shit we must be kinndred spiritsi love your writeing my wife has had to move away from homt to continue her carrier and left me here in a huge home and a couple of dogs it seems just to maintain i'm cleaning all weekend thumbs up sister

  2. Thanks for the comment. I detest housework, and although I keep the place clean, it could never be described as "immaculate".