Saturday, 22 May 2010

Child-Free by Choice and My 140 ++ Reasons Why!

This blog (and the others) probably wouldn't have started if I hadn't got fed-up of people nattering at me as to why I don't have children, so if any holier-than-thou parents are offended, it's your fault this is written, because on numerous occasions, I have been looked down on, as if I am less of a woman for making a personal choice. This is meant to be light-hearted, although every reason is valid. I didn't think the list would be SO long, but once I got started, reasons kept coming.
Technically, there should only be one reason: "I don't want children." As it's mine and my husbands choice.
This is for all those child-free women and men out there, who feel the same as we do.

(They are in no particular order.)

1. I do not like children. I am not maternal, my husband is not paternal.
2. Just because I am married, does not automatically force me to become a breeding machine.
3. My husband is my no1 in my life. He is my best friend, my confidant and my lover. I do not want him being pushed aside for another, nor do I want another person overtaking him as my priority in life.
4. As I work shifts, nights and weekends on a regular basis, and my husband usually works Monday to Friday, we don't get a lot of days off together. We probably get about three or four days off together a month and not often more than one in a row. With child-care, that would be reduced further.
5. Due to my shift rotation, my social life suffers. This would become a great deal worse with children.
6. I enjoy current affairs, the news and politics. I am able to keep in touch with that.
7. Women still die in child-birth. I'm not taking the risk, thanks.
8. The pain of labour, over an indeterminate number of hours and eventually pushing something the size of a melon out of there!! No thank you!!
9. I don't fancy any of the complications of pregnancy; such as, diabetes, varicose veins, haemorrhoids, pre-eclampsia, etc etc.
10. I don't want my body to change, ie; stretch marks, loose skin, weight gain.
11. I don't want to give up eating the things I love for 9 months, such as; soft cheeses, wine and shell fish.
12. I love my own company, I love the peace and quiet.
13. I love getting out of bed at whatever time I like, when I'm not at work.
14. I LOVE my sleep.
15. I still look young for my age.
16. I love my holidays, and can travel more frequently and am not limited to summer or school break times, or to child-friendly destinations. I can go at off-peak times.
17. When I go on holiday, I can sit and read my book on the sun lounger all day, if I choose. I don't have to entertain a child.
18. When I go on holiday, I can go out when I want and come back when I want.
19. I can go on holiday in off-peak time, when I am less likely to run into other families with screaming kids.
20. I can live in whatever town or city I like without concerning myself with quality of school districts, child-friendliness, etc.
21. I don't have to live near my family in order to have a babysitter.
22. Work and money permitting, I can go out in an evening to wherever I want, and come back whenever I want.
23. I never have to worry about getting a babysitter.
24. I never have to worry about the babysitter.
25. I can curse, swear, shout, argue, debate and vent freely in my home without worrying about censoring myself.
26. My food bill is cheaper, without buying child-food. I can concentrate all my money on the food me and my husband want.
27. I am not faced with an ungrateful brat who won't eat anything. Or one who wastes food because they are faddy.
28. I don't have to worry about what my child is eating.
29. I don't have to worry about who my child hangs around with at school, what school they go to, who are their friends, or what they get up to. Will they get bullied? Will they do well at school? Will they read well?
30. I don't want to worry about my child's health.
31. I don't want a moody teenager. I don't want Little Miss being a madam.
32. I don't want to worry about what a teenager gets up to.
33. I don't want to spend a large amount of my income on anyone other than myself or my husband.
34. I don't want to have to worry about university fees.
35. I can save for retirement.
36. I can spend my retirement where I want, and don't have to become a babysitter for grandchildren.
37. I don't have to impose on my mum to become a babysitter. She has her own life.
38. I don't spend my life in a complete state of tiredness from lack of sleep and getting up several times a night.
39. I don't have to worry about whether breast is best, whether to bottle-feed, sterilising bottles, or getting cracked nipples, or having my nipples bitten my a baby with a tooth coming.
40. I don't have to put up with a toddler with a tantrum, and tantrums aren't confined to toddlers either. They go on for all a child's life, but are manifested in different ways, amounting to the same reason: "I want."
41. I hate screaming children.
42. I don't have to change nappies.
43. I don't have to cancel last-minute plans because my child is ill.
44. I don't burden my employee with maternity leave or phoning in sick because my child is ill.
45. I don't have to take hours getting my child ready whenever I want to go out.
46. I can buy a car with two seats or a sports car if I want, if money permits.
47. If it's sunny, I don't have to battle with a cranky child when I have to put suncream on it.
48. If I want a day out, I don't have to mess about finding somewhere that has facilities for children.
49. I don't have to watch Postman Pat twenty times.
50. I don't have to listen to teenage music, or children's music for the 50th time that day.
51. I can go to bed what time I want, depending on when I have to get up for work.
52. I can get drunk, knowing I can have a lie-in the next day. I don't have to worry about putting up with a child when I have a hangover.
53. I don't bore people with photo's of my children, and I have more things to chat about than my children.
54. I can play loud music without disturbing my sleeping child.
55. We can eat dinner when we want it, and not at stupid o'clock.
56. I can go to the pub without having to find somewhere that allows children.
57. I don't have to sit in the awful family-friendly section of pubs.
58. I will never be a yummy mummy.
59. My house is not filled with children's toys.
60. My house isn't and doesn't have to be child-friendly.
61. I am untidy, it would be worse with children.
62. I don't have to become pally with the other mothers in the playground.
63. I like to come in after work, and do nothing if I please.
64. After working nights, I can sleep for hours and hours, and get up and do nothing.
65. If I feel like having a lazy day on my days off, I can.
66. I enjoy reading a book.
67. I enjoy sitting at the computer, without a child hassling me.
68. I don't have to inflict an annoying screaming brat on other poor people in a shop.
69. I don't have to behave or set an example.
70. I don't have baby-brain.
71. I don't have constant interruptions if I am doing something.
72. I don't have to be a chauffeur for my child.
73. I never have to host a children's party, or ever have to go to one. I don't think there is anything worse.
74. Couples with children, generally have less sex. I can be intimate at any time and anywhere in the house.
75. I spend less time on housework, which I hate.
76. We can be spontaneously romantic if we so wish. We can go out on dates, have lovely dinners and spoil each other.
77. Children do not necessarily make you happy.
78. I am very happy in my relationship, as it currently is. I am happy with my life.
79. I do not suffer with striving to "have it all."
80. I do not have to put up with other yummy mummies who go on about how great little Johnnie is at school.
81. I will never have to pay child support.
82. I never have to put up with a child nagging constantly about wanting the new latest toy or must have.
83. Christmas can be hassle-free if I want it. It doesn't have to be a child-focused materialistic expensive nightmare.
84. I never have to get out of bed an hour earlier to get the kids ready for school/babysitter.
85. On long drives, I don't have to put up with the stress of the children misbehaving in the back of the car and I can listen to my choice of music in the car, or listen to the radio.
86. I set my own agenda
87. I have more broad interests than what my child does/what he says/what he does etc
88. I will never have morning sickness or post-natal depression.
89. My identity is perfectly intact.
90. Babies are cute and lovely; but if they poo, scream or I just get bored, I can give them back.
91. I have as much "me" time as I want. Or as much "our" time as I want, shift pattern permitting.
92. If I chose to own a pet, the poor thing doesn't have to put up with a child teasing it.
93. I have the time to take care of my personal appearance.
94. I can spend a stupid amount on food and wine if I chose.
95. I can do things spontaneously, when I want, if I want.
96. My house is quiet, relaxing and welcoming.
97. I have more disposable income.
98. I don't have to buy a house with more bedrooms.
99. I have a longer attention span.
100. I don't have to educate someone else.
101. My body is not ravaged by child-birth.

102. My best friend, whom I have known for over 30 years, has a 5 year old boy. Now, he's quite sweet, cute and funny for about 30 minutes, and I do love him.
She wouldn't be without him, and although "regret" is the wrong term, she said quite openly and honest:
"If I knew how hard it was, I wouldn't have bothered."
She isn't maternal, and finds motherhood very hard. She told me, frankly,
"If you are in the least bit unsure: DON'T! Your life will never be the same again."
She also went on to mention about "baby-brain" and that her intellect has never been the same since she was pregnant.
103. I don't ever have to worry about little Johnny blurting something politically incorrect out in front of a crowd.

104. If I am full of cold, I don't have to struggle on through, and look after a child. I can laze around and sup chicken soup to make myself feel better.
105. I don't have to put up with other people; many of whom would be strangers, coming and giving me advice on what I should and shouldn't do when raising my child. Or looking down their nose at me because I don't do what they do, and they don't approve.
106. I don't have to worry that I might be a bad parent, or that I am doing things wrong.
107. I don't have to be responsible.
108. Bringing up children is HARD, I don't want to work that hard and for that long.
109. There are 6 billion people in the world. That's too many already.
110. I don't have to worry about what kind of person my child would grow up to be. I would try and install my values and beliefs, but what if they grow up with racist views? Or vastly opposing political and moral beliefs?
111. I don't have to worry about it growing up resenting me.
112. I don't have think about having to wait until it grows up before I get my life back - and they being coerced into looking after grandchildren.
113. My neighbours will be pleased I don't have a baby screaming at all hours.
114. I don't have a toddler messing with my make-up.
115. I don't have to worry about the handle of the boiling pan on the cooker being pulled at by a curious toddler.
116. I don't have to worry about the risk of having a child with disabilities.
117. I am grumpy when I'm tired. I also become tetchy. I don't want a screaming baby or whining child winding me up.
118. TEARING in child-birth! OMG!
119. Episiotomies!! (Warning, site may make you change your mind if you already can't decide).
120. We can go in a pub/bar for lunch and not have to go to a child-friendly place and put up with other people's screaming maggots. Why do people think it's acceptable for them to allow their maggots to run around and annoy everyone else, just because they want to get pissed?
121. Being frustrated, irate, annoyed and aggravated at home is a lot rarer for me, rather than a daily occurrence if we had children.
122. When I see a cute outfit, I want it for myself.
123. I can sit and do something by myself, without hassle, without, "Mummy, look at this, Mummy do this, Mummy can I have a go....."
124. The noises coming from my house isn't a screaming child, it's loud music.
125. Homo sapiens evolved a pelvis which allowed for comfort and ease of walking and standing erect. This also made child-birth painful. I'm sticking with the standing erect and walking as the better end of the equation.
126. Evolution, walking and pelvis shape also dictated that human babies are born far too immature, otherwise they would not fit through a woman's pelvis if they were born at the correct developmental stage. Interesting.
127. EuroDisney/DisneyWorld/Flamingoland is not my idea of a holiday!
128. I love London, Paris, Barcelona for holiday breaks. I like museums and history. Most children don't.
129. I dislike adult parties where children are in attendance. They get in the way, barge into people and their parents often ignore them until one of them falls over and screams the place down.
130. We/I can go away for a weekend to meet up or stay with friends without having to drag along a child or inflict the child on other child-free couples/singles, spoiling the ambience.
131. I don't want to be THAT parent who everyone is staring at because my child is the one screaming and not behaving and ruining everyone else's time.
132. I like to be on the beach and relaxing, not constantly worrying about my child drowning in the water.
133. I don't want to be paranoid if a man who I don't know half-looks at my child and then my dumb ass baby-brain goes into over-drive and I assume he's a paedophile.
134. I don't want to have to put up with my child's friends or any sleep-overs.
135. I want to go hassle-free food shopping, without "Mam, can I have this, Mam can I have that!" And then temper-tantrums because I won't buy them.
136. I enjoy going out without whining brat constantly complaining or going "I'm bored."
137. I don't have to deal with toilet-training a child.
138. When I go out, I don't have to be constantly aware of where my child is.
139. I can eat an entire packet of sweets without having to share.
140. When I sit down to a meal, I am glad I don't have to get up every two minutes to see to a child at the table.
141. I refuse to pander to what other people think I should do or be. It's my life.
142. School holidays are long!
143. The world is severely over-populated. Half of the worlds population don't have access to clean water. We should be spending money and concentrating our minds on eliminating poverty, rather than just contributing to destroying the planet with more consumers.
144. I don't want to contribute further to my carbon footprint by producing another carbon-producing baby. A study was done in the US, which showed that even if a couple were carbon-neutral, producing a two children would produce 40x that carbon!
145. I don't want my stuff ruining.

So there you go! Is the message loud and clear, yet?


  1. 7 8 9 12 14+ 41 61 109 119

  2. Mommy bloggers really scare me. It's like they have no headspace to think about anything not pertaining to their offspring, even though I'm sure they used to be interesting people with hobbies and such.

    Good to know other people feel this way!

  3. I have just joined a Child-free forum. It's great. There are many people around who feel like this.
    Glad you enjoyed my blog x

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Thanks Katt, I keep thinking up new reasons all the time!

  6. Oh my goodness, I just stumbled across this post in a rather roundabout way, and I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING! I'm a 25 year-old Derbyshire lass and with most of my old school friends already pregnant or mothers of at least one child, I was beginning to think I was the only whose goal in life WASN'T babies!

    I run a bookshop and my absolute least part of it is when we get children coming in. They scream, they run around like baby elephants, they pick everything up, they want want want, they do that precocious brat thing, they get desperate for the toilet even though they've apparently only been five minutes ago... And all I can think is 'I don't want one of those. Ever.'

    I like my life. I like peace and quiet. I like to be able to curl up with a cat and a good book without worrying about someone else. I am a (nearly recovered) agoraphobic and have so many places I'd like to see and things I want to do now I CAN. I like to live small. Children's TV makes me cringe. The thought of having to give birth to a child makes me squirm, and the thought of having a houseful of child paraphernalia until they hit the teenage years makes me cranky.

    But yes, I still hear it. "It's different when they're your own." "You'll change your mind in a few years"... etc etc. Thank you for so clearly defining exactly why I won't! :)