The pub might be child-friendly, but is your child pub-friendly?

There was a time when pubs and bars were adult-only places, and for children it was a no-go area. Sadly it seems this is no longer the case, and the places where adults can go for a quiet drink without screaming children seems to be getting less and less.


Of course we don't want to go back to the days of pubs being for the sole exclusivity of working-class men where the wives and girlfriends are only allowed in certain areas on certain nights and the smoke-filled pubs where you come out smelling like an ash tray.


However, this does not necessarily equate to never being able to get away from other peoples children. There was a time, many years back, when children started to be allowed in pubs, and there was such a thing as "the family room" where families with children could go. However, many a time children would come running through to the main bar and cause general disruption and disturb other paying customers.

Now the "family room" concept seems to be abandoned in favour of the free for all. Children and tiny babies being in the pub, wine bar or nice restaurant with their family. So now it seems those who are child-free or those responsible parents who have left their children with a baby-sitter, have to put with other people's children spoiling the atompshere for other paying customers. Put up or go elsewhere, it seems. But where?


Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a family shouldn't be allowed to go to a nice pub for a pleasant Sunday lunch, they are after all, paying customers. But for many parents, it seems to be just an excuse to allow the rest of the pub's paying customers and staff to become babysitters.


Children get bored easily, and whilst they are waiting for their food and once they have eaten, will want entertaining and will get bored easily. This often leads to standing on chairs, crawling under tables, climbing over furniture, crawling under other paying customers tables and ends up with them running around screaming, shouting and generally disturbing other people and often running into other people and knocking someone. Meanwhile, Mummy and Daddy often just ignore the child, they're quite happy to just sit and get drunk because their precious blessed angel is just "expressing himself", he "can't help it." No, he can't, but YOU can. It is not fair to allow your child to disturb everyone else, just because your child is an inconvenience to you. The child's behaviour is your responsibility. It seems to be acceptable to allow your child to behave in this manner, but if I am on the next table I get glared at for swearing. Or as a responsible parent friend of mine said, she doesn't want to inflict her children on others, plus she doesn't want her children to see loud, drunk people, swearing.


Now, at the risk of sounding like a boring moaning intolerant fart, children should be taught that certain behaviour is not acceptable in certain places. When I was a child, we didn't go to the pub, certainly not any "posh" places. If we did go out for a family meal, we were taught that you sat down, ate your food and spoke at a normal level. Screaming and shouting and disrupting other people was certainly not acceptable and was dealt with quickly. Why is this such a difficult concept for some parents to grasp?


We live in a country which is child-centred, and everywhere seems to be child-friendly. Children are treated like adults, when they aren't. For some parents, a family-friendly establishment seems to equate to them that they can abdicate all responsibility for their child's behaviour. However, these places are not a supermarket, it's not the playground, and it's not your house or your garden. I accept that McDonald's will have children messing about in it, shouting etc, after all it IS a children's place, but Starbucks ISN'T. Nevertheless, many parents don't seem to teach their children that certain behaviours are acceptable in some places, but are not acceptable in another.
I also accept you cannot switch a baby's scream on and off, or a toddlers tantrum off. But if you cannot placate the baby or toddler, don't just continue to inflict the ear-piercing screaming on other people who are having a conversation and then can't here each other. Deal with it!

Badgering the Child-Free Video

Being child-free by choice, I have got used to justifying myself to others over the years. I don't mind people who are just making polite conversation when asking if I have or want children, but the look on people's faces when I say, "No" often says a great deal about what they think of me or what they are going to say next. And it's often negative or patronising.
Of course, not everyone automatically has an (often unintentional) questioning, condescending, sometimes offensive attitude.
But only the other day I got, "Don't ALL women want children?" as if I am some kind of freak.

But as I have talked about this extensively on my other pages, and listed the reasons why I don't want children, I'll just leave it at that, and let you watch this cartoon video I have made. It's based on truth as I have had all of these questions and statements in the past year at some point. Enjoy!

Why is the decision to be child-free questioned?

I am not maternal, and I don't get broody. The decision to have children is a very personal decision, and should never be undertaken lightly. I don't know when the light turned on in my brain that definitely said "No Children", but I think all my life I could never see children being a part of it. As a child, I never played with dolls as they were boring and didn't do anything. I liked Barbie as she had a cool, sexy boyfriend. She was rich and had a successful career - above all, she had no children. For me, being child-free is the default setting. I say child-free and not childless, as saying that implies there is something missing in my life. In other words: I do not want children, I will never have children, and I ensure I don't have them.

So why do I often have to justify myself or explain why to other people? It's my and my husbands decision alone. Over our 10 years of marriage, I've been patronised, questioned and judged by breeders about my choice. I'm a freak, and I'm WRONG!

I have had ALL these on several occasions.

"You'll change you mind." - I'm 36. I have felt this way since I was a child. I can assure you, I won't. Anyway, you obviously don't know me enough, or you wouldn't say that.

"You WILL have children." - No I won't. In fact, I am thinking about getting sterilised.

"You'd make a lovely mother." - No I wouldn't. I don't like children, I have no patience and I have a quick temper at times. Plus, you haven't seen me on less than 6 hours sleep.

"Why don't you want children" - Read my 140 + reason on my blog. This is the most common one, and the one that often makes me give a wry laugh as it's sometimes even been asked after their 20 minute bitch rant about how awful a weekend they've had with little Johnny being a little shit all weekend. Plus, if it's acceptable to ask me why not? Why is it not okay for me to ask, "Why did you have children?" after their 20 minute bitch rant.


"What if you got pregnant accidentally?" - How much more personal can you get? I used to just say, "Well, I don't know," and avoided the issue. From now on, I have decided that seen as the person is being so personal and probing, I'm going to be as frank: "I'd have an abortion." That might shut them up. Plus I use something that is free and readily available - it's called contraception. Again, getting sterilised would stop a question like that in it's tracks.

"What would you do if your husband wanted children?" - again, the personal questions. Well, he doesn't, so it's not an issue. And if it was an issue, I wouldn't have married him. How about me asking, "What if your husband/wife didn't want children?" Not acceptable? Thought not.


"Who will look after you if you got old?" - Well the money I save on not having children will allow me to pay for care. Plus, having children doesn't guarantee regular visits and having children so they can look after you when you get old is selfish and not a good reason to have them!

"Your child could grow up to cure cancer." - It could also grow up to be the next Adolf Hitler.

"It's natural. It's a woman's greatest achievement. It's a woman's role." - Oh PLEASE! I thought equal rights and a woman's right to choose had evolved from the middle ages - obviously not in your world.

"What if everyone felt like you, the human population would die out." - And why would that be a bad thing? If more people thought like me, the world wouldn't be severely over-populated like it is. The population growth on the planet cannot be sustained, there isn't enough resources.

"It's different when it's your own." - Yeah, it sure is! You can't give them back! What if I realised I'd make the biggest mistake of my life? I'd be fucked as there is no going back. Plus, if it's "so wonderful", why do you constantly bitch about how little sleep you've had? Or what a little shit your kid has been all day? Or that you have no money? Or about how little time you get to yourself? Or how you never get the time to do anything nice, like reading? Or that you never get the time or money to treat yourself? Or that you're constantly tired? Or that you never go out? Sounds like HELL!
Well, you know what? I went and got a manicure and pedicure yesterday, I had a great lie-in this morning, and I'm off out tonight with friends to a really nice restaurant and I'm probably going to drink expensive wine and not have to worry about getting up tomorrow.

"Don't you want to give your parents grandchildren?" - No, not really. My mum is happy with my decision. I think having a grandchild running around her child-unfriendly home would traumatise her anyway.

"What if your parents thought the same as you?" - What sort of stupid question is that? I wouldn't have existed, but because I wouldn't have existed, I wouldn't be around to know about it in the first place. But they did, and I didn't ask to be born.

It's as if breeders somehow think my life is unfulfilled, or that I secretly want children, or that I'm not happy and contended? Well, I am happy, I am contented. Do you get the message yet?