My Ponderings

People Who I Want To Punch (part 1)

2012-01-14T20:09:00.011Z

I think it's fair to warn you that this blog contains very strong language.

I think you can guess from the title what this blog will be about. Yes, it's about people who I want to punch, or in other words; people who I think are cunts. Now this blog is supposed to be funny and light-hearted, and it's not intended to be taken seriously before I get badgered by the stupid, humourless police. I wish no harm on these people (much), except they have offended me, or annoyed me, or are a talentless waste of good air, or who have generally pissed me off in some way. Often there is no reason at all.
This list is by no means exclusive; if you feel that people should be added, please feel free to reply with the names of the people who you want to punch; or your personal cunt list. You, of course, have the right to disagree. The list is not in any particular cuntish order.
I need to also add that this list does not contain any serious cunts. By this I mean your proper cunts; ie The Royal Family, The Pope, Most Politicians, The Tory Party, Dictators, Americans etc

Jim Davidson:
Now this man has always been a cunt. Not only is the man a racist, misogynistic, homophobic cunt; he's also been allegedly convicted for drink-driving. His jokes are racist, and he's been on the television expressing nasty comments about women and gay people. He's also a tax exile, so he's a robbing cunt as well. Plus, he's not funny. His "act" isn't funny. He is also a member of the Tory Party, and in the past has even spoken at their conferences; tells you a lot. If you look up the word "cunt" in the dictionary, there is a picture of Jim Davidson.

Jeremy Kyle:
Smug, self-righteous cunt.

Chantelle-Whats-Her-Name and Alex Reid
For a start, they sound thicker than a whale omelette when they speak; the combination of their IQ's wouldn't get near triple figures. They've been together five minutes and unfortunately, they are also the classic example that stupid people can breed easily, when they quite clearly shouldn't ever breed. They are both famous for being famous, when in fact, I want to punch them both in their cunt faces. He looks and sounds like he's had a fight with a waste compacter and lost. She just looks and sounds like a vacuous plastic bint. Cunts.

Shane Richie
Can't act, can't sing. Womaniser cunt. Annoying and crap. Cunt.

Michael McIntyre
He's not funny. His stupid shaking-head.

My Ex-Mate John (not his real name)
Obviously, you don't know him. Just take my word for it when I say he's a cunt. Within a few minutes of meeting him, you'd want to punch him in his face too. He's loaded and has a massive house, but that's not the reason he's a cunt. He's the meanest, tight-arsed git I have ever met. I have never seen him buy anyone a drink in the pub, and the pints I have bought him when I've been broke have never been bought back. He never returned our deposit on the house we were renting off him, because he's a cunt. He was throwing out an old cooker, and when a mate of his said she'd have it, he wanted money for it, despite saying he was going to throw it out anyway. Luckily, the mate told him to fuck off. He wears jumpers to go out that I would wear to paint the house; full of holes and stained. He used to drive the oldest shittiest smallest car, despite being over 6ft tall. He only bought a new one because the old one fell apart, and he bought himself an old knackered Chinquchento. Although driving it around, he looks hilarious in it with his knees under his chin. When his girlfriend mentioned marriage, he said, and I quote, "I'll marry you if you want, I suppose." The old romantic.
Although the one saving grace is that he got fired from his job for downloading hard core porn onto his work's PC. Hilarious.

The Cast of TOWIE. But mainly Amy Childs
I had to look her up as I didn't know her name. She's a treat, isn't she? All tits, lips and fake tan. The best is when she opens her mouth in that she makes Chantelle whats-her-name sound like Professor Brian Cox. She doesn't have a clue.

Matthew Wright, presenter of The Wright Stuff
See Jeremy Kyle

Jonathon Ross
Creepy. Smug. Not funny. Crap hair. Paid too much. Cunt.

Other people who I want to punch, but for no reason except they annoy me
Davina McCall
Jim Carrey
Martine McCutchen

Feel free to comment, remembering we're all doing this for a laugh.

Part 2, hopefully coming soon!

Short Story of the Day: New Present for the Newly Weds - A Palace All of Their Own!

2011-11-06T08:47:00.005Z

After we paid millions for their wedding; the happy couple, William & Kate now get to chose a mega-palace of their own, also paid for by the tax-payer, with it's own set of staff.

"We want THAT one!" They both said, opting for Kensington Palace as their "base". Being used to the best for doing very little real work, as was Wills birth right, one palace isn't obviously enough, this will only be their base.

"Oh, but it's in such a state of disrepair." said Wills.

"Don't worry." said the Queen, "Granny won't expect you to stay in a grotty place like the peasants do. Even though I am one of the richest people in the world, I'll allocate some of the tax payers money that could be used for the NHS to repair it for you! After all, we don't use the NHS. Economic crisis? What economic crisis?"

"Good idea, Granny." They both said, "In the mean time, we can take several holidays they can also pay for, because the stress of choosing a palace has been over-whelming.....but won't the peasants get a bit fed-up of us?"

"They may start to," said the Queen, "But there is something you can do."

"What is it Granny?"

"Well, there you know you're most important role, Kate?"

"Yes, Granny, " began Kate, "It's shaking the hands of important people AND peasants. I have to remember it's very hard, very important work, so I have to be well paid for it."

"No, that's not the most important job."

Kate thought some more, "I have to con people into thinking I'm a courageous lady by doing two hours work of cuddling babies a year and patronise their parents. I have to remember that people will compare me to Saint Diana."

"No."

Then Kate suddenly remembered, and Will spoke for her, "In the next few months, just as people start to get bored with us, your role begins."

Kate started to jump up and down with glee, "Oh yes, I'm to become the newest Royal Breeding Machine!" she exclaimed with joy.

"Yes," said the Queen with a grin, "With only 7 billion people on the planet, what the world and this country needs is another Consumer. Not your average consumer, but a very special consumer whose carbon footprint we don't even have bother trying to off-set! One that does absolutely nothing except go on holiday in it's own private jet!"

"Hurrah!" They all cried.

"There is one thing, " the Queen said, "If it's not a boy, you can fuck off."

I even made a short, amusing cartoon about it.

Generic Bland Pop, Westlife, Reality Checks and Amusing Tweets

2011-10-20T11:44:00.007+01:00

Today we had the great news that Westlife had split up. Yes, a small victory for the war against dull generic bland pop is being celebrated.
If you're reading this, and you're a devastated fan, give yourself a slap around the face and get over it. You've got all their back catalogue and twenty "best of" albums to bore yourself to death with. As Oscar Wilde said, Westlife were, "Both original and good. Unfortunately, the original stuff wasn't good and the good stuff wasn't original." And that's putting it mildly. Yes, they were popular; but so is malaria.
To be fair to Westlife, they aren't the only band (and when I say "band", it is a loose term, as they didn't exactly play any instruments, so I prefer the term "group") who are dull. The charts are dominated by bland, generic pop. But I suppose Westlife could sing a bit, but as that was what they were - a group of singers - I would hope they could. So in a very real term, they were Kings of Bland. And apparently, they mimed anyway, which in my opinion is a real insult to their fans when they can't even be bothered to sing.

Twitter, as per usual, is full of devastated fans. I actually started to read the hashtag line, and couldn't believe how many adults are reacting to this as if it's a world disaster. Personally, I think anyone over the age of 16 and is "devastated" needs to give themselves a slap in the face and a reality check. I just wish demented fans would react to world hunger, war and other real problems the world faces with such gusto. I can sort-of understand why children liked them and are upset, but adults? Come on! Get over it.
But who cares about kids in Africa starving to death? Westlife have split up!!

The one saving grace is that it has led me to amusing 'tweets' and to compile ones of my own.

A couple of tweets of the day include:

@ShaneSaunders88 James Blunt, Britney Spears and #Westlife are on a sinking ship. Who gets saved? The world of music.

@wilhanafin #westlife make statement about splitting up. One of them read the statement, two of them mimed it & the other guy just looked bewildered.

@theCookra Today just got better, #westlife are splitting up! Make sure you do this right fella's don't follow take that's example.

Child-free men - well they just need a good talking to!

2011-10-10T19:51:00.011+01:00

After making the conscious decision many years ago that I didn't want children, I think I've had all the questions, remarks and insults one can possible get for the past fifteen years or so. Or to those who have never heard the term: child-free or breeder bingo (see figure below).

But in all this, we have to remember men have to contend with breeder bingo too. Whether they 'get it' more or not, I don't know; but the child-free men out there certainly are on the receiving end of it on a regular basis; as my other half will testify.
Women and men also get patronised to by various "Mummy" or "Breeder" articles as I like to think of them. As this kindly web page tells us: http://okfreedate.com/m/articles/view/childfree

The article starts by flippantly labelling the child-free movement as, I quote: "a new fangled-trend", as if my being this way was a phase I was going through. It also explains how a woman can coerce - sorry - "find out the reasons for his sturdy resistance".

The article basically goes on to basically undermine, patronise and condescend both men and women.
It stereotypes women as something that, I quote, "Want to embrace a crying child" and "Have maternal instincts that unwittingly arise". Well I want a crying child to shut the fuck up and I've never had maternal feelings.
The article also stereo-types men as just insecure boys who are afraid of having children. The article then tells women how to address the issues and that men just need a good talking to.

Whilst insecurities and fear might be the case for some men, the article does not once acknowledge that many men don't actually want children. Not now, not ever. Not because they are "afraid", but because they actually just don't to have children. No, men are all conveniently put into one box and it does not once give a man any credit for thinking for himself and thinking for more than a second about whether ot not to breed.
The article doesn't, at any point ever explain how wrong it is for his partner to coerce him into it. Nor that it's not right for anyone - family, society, friends - to coerce him.

Sadly, there are many articles like this - as are some women - who don't acknowledge that not everyone wants to breed, that not everyone wants to produce another consumer of the world's vastly dwindling resources.

Whilst there are many caring fathers out there, who love being a dad and wanted to be a dad; I also suspect that there are millions of men out there who have caved in to pressure from their partners who have coerced them, or from family and society's expectations, who have had children - and now regret it, or at least if they had their time over again, would not make the same decision.

One other thing that irritated me about this ill-informed article, was that is said how wonderful parenthood was, and if it wasn't, "the childfree movement would have numbered millions of volunteers". Message to the author of the article: we do have millions.

My Letter to the Family of Troy Davis

2011-09-22T19:14:00.002+01:00

To the Family of Troy Davis,

We have been following Troy's case for a number of years now; and although we never met him, we do feel we got to know him, even though he didn't know us personally.
The torture for Troy and yourselves over the years must have been horrendous at times, yet throughout the years that you have been fighting for justice, you have all been dignified and courageous.

Over the last week or so especially, our hearts have been in pieces. I cannot imagine how Troy and yourselves have been feeling.

Yesterday, our hearts were broken.

The only small shred of comfort we feel throughout this travesty of justice, is that we know Troy died knowing he was going to a better place. A place where he is free from hate and free from injustice.

I know you will miss him so much, and that you are heart-broken, but I also know you have faith that you will all be together again, someday.

Our thoughts are with you at this time.

God Bless You All.
We are Troy Davis.

love from
Jackie and David Crossley
Leeds, England.

If you wish to send a message of support to Troy's Family, you can do it here: http://bit.ly/nlq0PT via Amnesty International

Troy Davis: the lynchings have never gone away. But tonight, it's behind a legal face.

2011-09-21T15:42:00.006+01:00

The lynchings have never stopped, it is alive and well in the state of Georgia, America.

I have always been against the death penalty; it is wrong all the time, every time. It is the worst form of pre-meditated murder. It is abhorrent for dozens of different reasons; too many to talk about. It's state sponsored revenge of the worst kind and is used disproportionately on people of colour and the poor. And has also been used on the innocent many times.
Troy Davis is one of them. Troy Davis is to be killed, for a crime he is highly likely not to have committed, at midnight tonight, UK time.

Troy Davis was convicted 20 years ago for killing a police man and was sentenced to death.

Of the nine witnesses; seven have now modified or retracted their testimony, three of those have said they were coerced by police to name Davis as the murderer. Four of the witnesses have admitted lying in court. The murder weapon was never found, and there was NO physical evidence; such as DNA, to link Davis to the murder. One of the jurors in the original case has even come forward and said that if he knew what he knew now, he would have found Troy innocent.
The case has nothing to rest on. Nothing. Under a civilised justice system, there is nothing to convict him, nevermind executing him.

I have followed Troy's case for a number of years now and I had a bad feeling this week that the pleas for clemency would be rejected. I was sadly proved right. I wish I wasn't. Troy, his family and thousands upon thousands of supporters world-wide have been campaigning for years. But Georgia just wants this nigger off their back. His family & supporters - as far as Georgia is concerned - will go away once they murder him.

How can any human being sleep at night when they have the power of life or death? That is what the parole board have. How can they say, "This person deserves to die"?......no sorry, it's more like "This innocent person deserves to be tortured for 20 years, than suffer the worst kind of pre-meditated murder."

Yes, it's torture. Being made to wait as your life hangs in the balance at the hands of fucking rednecks IS torture. Being made to wait whilst they decide whether to murder you or not, is torture.

How can President Obama sit and allow this to happen? He is the most powerful man in the world and has the power to stop this. He is a black man, he knows the injustices that happen to people of colour. But he sits by and does nothing. He has blood on his hands, just like the executioner does, like the Georgia parole board has. The same as the real murderer of the policeman has. They are no different, it just has the face of the law behind it.

I think this song and video sums this up. Billie Holiday: Stange Fruit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs

Having a Baby to "Save Your Marriage".....oppps

2011-09-17T17:44:00.009+01:00

Seems to be a popular thing amongst idiots: Having a baby to "save your marriage".

It certainly seems to be popular amongst the celebs of this world, namely the stupid ones. The ones who haven't been in the press for five minutes and who are generally famous for doing nothing else but being famous. Beyonce announced that she's having a baby "to save her marriage" and Cheryl Cole considered it. Both Jordon and Kerry Katona did it - so obviously if they both did it, it must work!...........oh yeah.
And why is it mostly the women who decide or agree to this when they are usually the ones married to the winner of "Mr Dumb Fuckwitt of the Year", "Mr Can't Keep His Cock in his Trousers" and "Mr Inconsiderate Selfish Pig" awards.

But just because something is popular, doesn't make it sensible.

Okay, I'm going to be bias on the whole breeding thing; ie in the way that I'm never going to do it. But how does a baby save a marriage? Any couple will tell you (and lets face it, "the baby" is all they can talk about, yawn); the stress on a couple goes up a million when they have a baby. You don't ever sleep again, and this isn't for a few weeks, this is for years. You're too exhausted for sex, you're always too worried and unless you're a celeb, you have no money. And this is just the start of it. You argue about everything from "the best way to raise a child" to "who gave Little Johnny those ears?"

So I ask again; how does being constantly exhausted, frequent arguments and being constantly worried and having no sex help an already troubled marriage? Consider this, Fuckwitt Celeb; you're married to Other Fuckwitt Celeb Who Can't Keep his Cock in his Trousers. Chances are, if he is a lazy, mean, sex-mad wanker who treats you like a doormatt; he's not going to suddenly wake up a day later as Dad of the Year.

Divorces post-baby sky-rocket. So what makes you think your already crap marriage is going to be suddenly lovey-duvey days away in the Land of Happy?

So if you even think it, I advise strongly to not even consider it. Unfortunately, the stupid seem to be able to breed easier.

Not only that, if your marriage isn't exactly a bed of roses, you'll be probably subjecting a lot of pressure on Little Johnny Marriage-Saver; and subjecting the poor brat to constant arguments and shouting; followed by a nasty divorce where the child is used as a weapon, and his constatly hoisted from one house to another, from one bitter parent to another. Great start in life for Poor Little Johnny Marriage-Saver, sorry Breaker.

Terrible Chain-FaceBook Statuses and Why I Hate Them

2011-08-28T08:47:00.005+01:00

A friend on Facebook's status update from the other day. It's probably the most patronising comment I have ever read. This is copied and pasted, so I am not responsible for the poor grammar.

"Whatever you give a WOMAN she will make it GREATER. Giver her SPERM she will give you a BABY. Give her a HOUSE she will give you a HOME. Give her GROCERIES, she will give you a MEAL. Give her your LOVE and she will give you her HEART. She MULTIPLIES and ENLARGES what she is given. so if you GIVE her CRAP, be PREPARED to RECEIVE a ton of SHIT! I hope to see every girl on my friends list repost this (only the brave will)!"

I find this update tedious at best; at worst, they are condescending, patronising and stereo-typing. Being a gob-shite, I didn't let this one lie. I stated what I said above, plus, I replied;

"Pass the sick bucket. I find the whole thing patronising to both women and men, and terribly stereo-typing...........plus, I don't want any f**king sperm as I don't want children!"

It was sad and awful how many women 'liked' her status. Needless to say, I have no reply from her regards my post, but plenty of responses from grateful men that we all don't think like that!

Baby Wash and a letter to Hotpoint

2011-07-10T17:14:00.007+01:00

Dear Hotpoint,

I recently purchased a new washing machine, which was delivered and fitted yesterday. I noticed upon examining the front of the washing machine, there was a setting labelled "Baby Wash". Being child-free, I felt disappointed that I would not be able to utilise this setting and thus not be using said washing machine to it's full potential.

Nevertheless, undeterred, I did actually find a baby. Said child was quite willingly offered to me for the evening from exhausted parents who wished some 'time-out'. Being the kind soul that I am, I thought I would wash said baby before putting him to bed; doing the parents a favour as well as being able to test the new setting on the washing machine.

However, before putting said baby into washing machine, the parents arrived back early. They were incredibly alarmed at what I was proposing, and rather urgently, explained to me that the "baby setting" was not, in fact, for cleaning babies. Despite my claims that the baby did not exceed the 6kg maximum load, they went on to explain the terrible consequences of what may have happened if I had proceeded to enter the baby into a a spin cycle.
Shocked and ashamed, I read through your instruction manual, but could find no warning, nor indeed any reference to the dangers of putting a less-than 6kg baby on a "baby wash" setting. Nor did it state, "Babies must not be placed in washing machine on 'baby wash' cycle".

I write to you in concern that other persons may not be so lucky as I, and upon washing a less than 6kg baby on 'baby wash', may inadvertently end up with a washing machine that, due to a slight misunderstanding, invalidate their guarantee.

May I suggest some sort of large warning be placed in the instruction manual and maybe relabelling the title 'baby wash' or some sort of warning triangle to alert the user to potential hazards.

Yours faithfully

Childfree and smiling at squirrels.

2011-05-21T19:55:00.009+01:00

I was in Golden Acre Park during the week. In the last few months, I have been getting back into photography, and was taking some pictures of various wild life. It was lovely and peaceful and the birds were singing and there were about four or five grey squirrels scurrying about, enjoying the spring.
The peace was interrupted by a child screaming at the top of it's voice. I turned around to see a woman, with three children who were all creating in some different way. I recognised her as she came over for a chat, joined by her friend who also had three creating kids with her. We had a chat for a short while whilst one brat kept wandering off (despite going missing five minutes earlier), another continued to scream, whilst the other four competed with each other trying to vie for attention, whilst their mothers had the audacity to not be paying them attention 100% of the time, by constantly pulling on their Mum's arms and shouting "Mum, mum, mum!" (to which when I was a kid would have resulted in a stern word not to interrupt whilst adults were talking).

After only a couple of minutes, I could feel my tension rise, and my brain was hurting from the screaming. Mum's & children and myself then departed in opposite directions.
They went walking off trying to control six children between them, and I went off to regain some composure and peace.

As the screaming got quieter as the distance got further, I was alone with my thoughts as I smiled at the lovely colour and scent of the flowers and the playing squirrels. I had been confronted by my idea of hell. Now I have to be careful how I put this without sounding smug or without sounding like I'm looking down my nose at people, after all, if you want children, it's your life. But it reaffirmed with a bang how I could never live like that and how this would be a nightmare life for me. I have never wanted children, and luckily, neither does my husband, but imagine if I had somehow been pressurised into having children. I would face my hell, 24/7. A life where I couldn't just walk away from the screaming child. A life which didn't revolve around dependent beings.
A life where I couldn't drop everything and spend a day to myself, smelling the flowers, appreciating colour and smiling at squirrels.

Dear High St Clothes Designer

2011-02-27T17:34:00.005Z

Dear insert high st clothes shop here

I am of average height, with an average size inside leg, and a UK size 12 to 14. My waist line is NOT directly under my breasts, nor is my waist the same measurement as my hips. I have something what affects 50% of the population, called "curves".

Please remember this when designing your clothes and this will remind us that we are normal and that our curves are something we should accentuate and not hide behind baggy, unflattering clothes. We won't have to then try on 15 different things before we find something that actually fits and flatters us, instead of something that was made for someone who is 5 ft 10 with no breasts or hips with a 34 inch inside leg; ie: a boy.

Yours sincerely,

Jackie
(A woman who actually has a great hour-glass figure, has a big round arse, big boobs and likes it)

My Short Thought of the Day: Friday 11th February 2011

2011-02-11T18:36:00.002Z

Now that Egypt's leader, President Mubarak has finally gone, this should send a message to the people of the world and the leaders and governments of the world:

The Government should fear of the people, the people should not be afraid of the Government.

Or as Thomas Jefferson said;

"When the People Fear their Government, there is Tyranny;
When the Government Fear the People, there is Liberty."

Leaders of the world should remember this as they slowly erode our civil liberties and destroy our public services. You can only push us so far.

Life's too short to drink cheap wine.

2011-02-07T10:34:00.004Z

Life's too short to drink cheap wine and the bare minimum I would ever spend on a bottle of wine is £6 or £7. Less than that, and the wine is likely to be of poor quality. Now this might sound snobbery, but does has some basis in logic when you work out the cost of import duty.

The actual cost of import duty on wine and other alcohol, isn't worked out by their price, but on the percentage alcohol. Thus, wine has a cheaper duty than a spirit, (and is also the reason why imported perfume is expensive).

Now, I originally had a nicely written blog about the breakdown of costs on an average bottle of wine, but Majestic have already written a blog about it, which explains the system much better than I.

http://blog.majestic.co.uk/2008/02/19/the-price-of-wine/

So just remember the next time you buy a bottle of wine that spending just a small amount more should get you a much better bottle of wine.

My Short Thought of the Day: Monday 7th February

2011-02-06T20:36:00.010Z

Why does anyone who starts the sentence with, "I'm not a racist, but..." or "It's political correctness gone mad..." always finish their obviously profound statement with something either racist, misogynistic, derogatory, homophobic, ignorant, totally false or a generalisation?

A great example: The CuntFather of the above, Richard Littlejohn.

My Short Thought of the Day: Sunday 6th February

2011-02-06T19:59:00.008Z

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

In the 90's Warner Bros. cartoon "Animaniacs", the characters Pinky and The Brain are described: "One is a genius, the other's insane." To be quite honest, they both talk and plot to take over the earth. Just because Pinky says "narf" occasionally, and his vocabulary isn't as diverse as Brain's, doesn't make him less than a genius in mouse terms. In mouse-brain terms, I would in fact, label them both off the scale. I would further add that the constant plotting to take over the world would make them both insane.

If We Could Shrink The World

2011-01-29T11:30:00.008Z

Some readers may have seen this before. I really liked this when I first read it as it brings important facts about the world into stark reality and something everyone can understand. If you think it's overly sentimental or "6th Form-ish", I make no apologies. It is probably over-simplified. But it makes interesting reading and should make you think.

This is official research, and was done in 2001, so may be a little outdated, but I don't think things have really improved or changed much over the last 10 years.

If we could shrink the worlds population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like this:

There would be:

57 Asians,

21 Europeans

14 from the Western hemisphere, both North and South

8 Africans.

52 would be female

48 would be male.

70 would be non white

30 would be white.

70 would be non Christian

30 would be Christian.

89 would be heterosexual

11 would be homosexual

6 people would posses 59% of the entire world’s wealth and all 6 would be from the USA.

80 Would be living in substandard housing.

70 Would be unable to read.

50 Would suffer from malnutrition.

1 Would be near death and 1 would be near birth.

1 Would have a college education

4 Would own a computer.

When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.

The following is also something to ponder…..

If you woke one up this morning with more health than illness……you are more blessed than 1 million who will not survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle,the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation…..you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a Church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death……..you are more blessed than 3 billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator,clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep…….you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet and spare change in a dish some where……..you are amongst the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and still married you are very rare even in the UK, USA and Canada.

If you can read this message,you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you and furthermore you are more blessed than over 2 billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Someone once said :”What goes around comes around”

Work like you don’t need the money.

Love like you have never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching.

Sing like nobody’s listening.

Live like it’s Heaven on earth.

One can never be sure of the hard numbers one thing is for sure we all very lucky to be where we are and who we are!

This database can be seen in numerous other blogs and internet searches across the world, and I apologise if I have broken any one's copyright.

Sources: U.S. Bureau of the Census International Data Base, Various UN Departments and UNICEF.

The pub might be child-friendly, but is your child pub-friendly?

2011-01-21T17:42:00.011Z

There was a time when pubs and bars were adult-only places, and for children it was a no-go area. Sadly it seems this is no longer the case, and the places where adults can go for a quiet drink without screaming children seems to be getting less and less.

Of course we don't want to go back to the days of pubs being for the sole exclusivity of working-class men where the wives and girlfriends are only allowed in certain areas on certain nights and the smoke-filled pubs where you come out smelling like an ash tray.

However, this does not necessarily equate to never being able to get away from other peoples children. There was a time, many years back, when children started to be allowed in pubs, and there was such a thing as "the family room" where families with children could go. However, many a time children would come running through to the main bar and cause general disruption and disturb other paying customers.

Now the "family room" concept seems to be abandoned in favour of the free for all. Children and tiny babies being in the pub, wine bar or nice restaurant with their family. So now it seems those who are child-free or those responsible parents who have left their children with a baby-sitter, have to put with other people's children spoiling the atompshere for other paying customers. Put up or go elsewhere, it seems. But where?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a family shouldn't be allowed to go to a nice pub for a pleasant Sunday lunch, they are after all, paying customers. But for many parents, it seems to be just an excuse to allow the rest of the pub's paying customers and staff to become babysitters.

Children get bored easily, and whilst they are waiting for their food and once they have eaten, will want entertaining and will get bored easily. This often leads to standing on chairs, crawling under tables, climbing over furniture, crawling under other paying customers tables and ends up with them running around screaming, shouting and generally disturbing other people and often running into other people and knocking someone. Meanwhile, Mummy and Daddy often just ignore the child, they're quite happy to just sit and get drunk because their precious blessed angel is just "expressing himself", he "can't help it." No, he can't, but YOU can. It is not fair to allow your child to disturb everyone else, just because your child is an inconvenience to you. The child's behaviour is your responsibility. It seems to be acceptable to allow your child to behave in this manner, but if I am on the next table I get glared at for swearing. Or as a responsible parent friend of mine said, she doesn't want to inflict her children on others, plus she doesn't want her children to see loud, drunk people, swearing.

Now, at the risk of sounding like a boring moaning intolerant fart, children should be taught that certain behaviour is not acceptable in certain places. When I was a child, we didn't go to the pub, certainly not any "posh" places. If we did go out for a family meal, we were taught that you sat down, ate your food and spoke at a normal level. Screaming and shouting and disrupting other people was certainly not acceptable and was dealt with quickly. Why is this such a difficult concept for some parents to grasp?

We live in a country which is child-centred, and everywhere seems to be child-friendly. Children are treated like adults, when they aren't. For some parents, a family-friendly establishment seems to equate to them that they can abdicate all responsibility for their child's behaviour. However, these places are not a supermarket, it's not the playground, and it's not your house or your garden. I accept that McDonald's will have children messing about in it, shouting etc, after all it IS a children's place, but Starbucks ISN'T. Nevertheless, many parents don't seem to teach their children that certain behaviours are acceptable in some places, but are not acceptable in another.
I also accept you cannot switch a baby's scream on and off, or a toddlers tantrum off. But if you cannot placate the baby or toddler, don't just continue to inflict the ear-piercing screaming on other people who are having a conversation and then can't here each other. Deal with it!

A Man's View: Hated on Mostly

2011-01-16T12:37:00.000Z

A Man's View: Hated on Mostly: "I read a yahoo news article recently and a comment by Susan Sarandon really bothered me and was an example of one of many reasons why I do n..."

Am I a slob or just relaxed and laid back......part 2

2011-01-13T18:41:00.010Z

Following on from a blog I wrote last year about my lax attitude to the "H" word, I found myself finding another way of avoiding the "H" word and doing something better. I made a cartoon video about the very conversation that I had that the blog was based on.
Part 1 can be found here: http://bit.ly/bXeJTk

Badgering the Child-Free Video

2011-01-06T11:30:00.009Z

Being child-free by choice, I have got used to justifying myself to others over the years. I don't mind people who are just making polite conversation when asking if I have or want children, but the look on people's faces when I say, "No" often says a great deal about what they think of me or what they are going to say next. And it's often negative or patronising.
Of course, not everyone automatically has an (often unintentional) questioning, condescending, sometimes offensive attitude.
But only the other day I got, "Don't ALL women want children?" as if I am some kind of freak.

But as I have talked about this extensively on my other pages, and listed the reasons why I don't want children, I'll just leave it at that, and let you watch this cartoon video I have made. It's based on truth as I have had all of these questions and statements in the past year at some point. Enjoy!

Veal Satimbocca

2010-11-10T19:31:00.018Z

Veal Saltimbocca is certainly one of my favourite dishes. It's an Italian dish, and you can guarantee if I see it on a menu in a restaurant, I will more than likely order it. If you've never heard of it before, it's basically veal escalopes (thinly-sliced) wrapped in sage and Parma ham in a marsala sauce (fortified wine).
It's a very simple dish, but when executed well, it has a very unique and distinctive taste.

Many people are reluctant to eat veal, because of ideas of animal cruelty. However, unless you are a vegetarian and are happy to eat beef, lamb or intensively-reared chicken, your fears are probably unfounded. Veal crates are now illegal, and most calves are slaughtered between 6 and 12 months, and are indeed older than lambs are when they are slaughtered. Some are slaughtered at birth. If you go to a good butcher, he can tell you where it is sourced, if it's free-range and what diet it's fed on.
Veal should be pinker in appearance than beef (when raw) and is lighter and very tender.

Recipe:
4 thin escalopes of veal
Several fresh sage leaves
Approx 250mls of Marsala (Italian fortified wine) or any good fortified wine. Failing that, 250mls of a good white wine (don't use your best expensive stuff, but don't use anything you wouldn't want to drink, either. You get out what you put in.) Marsala is best, and you don't get the same intense flavour with white wine.
4 slices of Parma (or serreno) ham (or one slice per escalope of veal)
Salted butter
A little oil (rapseed or olive oil)
Flour
Juice of half a lemon
Salt and pepper.
Non-stick pan.
Cocktail sticks/small skewers

(1) Lay out of piece of parma ham on a bread board.

(2) Place one veal escalope on top, and sprinkle several pieces of chopped sage on top. (You probably want more than is pictured, as when I made this one, I felt it needed a little more sage).

(3) Wrap the Parma ham around the veal, and secure with cocktail sticks/skewers

(4) Heat a non-stick frying pan to a medium-high heat. Dust each escalope in seasoned flour and dust off the excess. Melt a good blob of butter and a little of the oil in the pan. Don't over-crowd the pan, fry two of the escalopes at a time for about 2/3 mins a side. The meat is not intended to be cooked pink for this recipe.

Whilst the second batch of escalopes are cooking, keep the first batch warm in a slightly warmed oven.

(5) Remove the escalopes from the pan/oven, set aside to allow the meat to rest.

(6) Pour the Marsala (or the fortified wine or white wine) into the pan, and bring to the boil, scrapping all the goodness from the bottom of the pan. Allow the wine to cook off for about 10 seconds or so and add the lemon juice. Turn the heat down and cook further for about a minute or so, and season a little. Remove the skewers from the meat and serve.

Enjoy!

Wine recommendations to drink with Saltimbocca: A strong red would possibly overwhelm this dish's complex flavours. A good white Burgandy(Chardonnay) or a lighter red, such as a Burgandy (pinot noir) would work well. Or a more complex white, such as a Viognier or such would also be a nice accompaniment.

Why is the decision to be child-free questioned?

2010-10-09T11:48:00.011+01:00

I am not maternal, and I don't get broody. The decision to have children is a very personal decision, and should never be undertaken lightly. I don't know when the light turned on in my brain that definitely said "No Children", but I think all my life I could never see children being a part of it. As a child, I never played with dolls as they were boring and didn't do anything. I liked Barbie as she had a cool, sexy boyfriend. She was rich and had a successful career - above all, she had no children. For me, being child-free is the default setting. I say child-free and not childless, as saying that implies there is something missing in my life. In other words: I do not want children, I will never have children, and I ensure I don't have them.

So why do I often have to justify myself or explain why to other people? It's my and my husbands decision alone. Over our 10 years of marriage, I've been patronised, questioned and judged by breeders about my choice. I'm a freak, and I'm WRONG!

I have had ALL these on several occasions.

"You'll change you mind." - I'm 36. I have felt this way since I was a child. I can assure you, I won't. Anyway, you obviously don't know me enough, or you wouldn't say that.

"You WILL have children." - No I won't. In fact, I am thinking about getting sterilised.

"You'd make a lovely mother." - No I wouldn't. I don't like children, I have no patience and I have a quick temper at times. Plus, you haven't seen me on less than 6 hours sleep.

"Why don't you want children" - Read my 140 + reason on my blog. This is the most common one, and the one that often makes me give a wry laugh as it's sometimes even been asked after their 20 minute bitch rant about how awful a weekend they've had with little Johnny being a little shit all weekend. Plus, if it's acceptable to ask me why not? Why is it not okay for me to ask, "Why did you have children?" after their 20 minute bitch rant.

"What if you got pregnant accidentally?" - How much more personal can you get? I used to just say, "Well, I don't know," and avoided the issue. From now on, I have decided that seen as the person is being so personal and probing, I'm going to be as frank: "I'd have an abortion." That might shut them up. Plus I use something that is free and readily available - it's called contraception. Again, getting sterilised would stop a question like that in it's tracks.

"What would you do if your husband wanted children?" - again, the personal questions. Well, he doesn't, so it's not an issue. And if it was an issue, I wouldn't have married him. How about me asking, "What if your husband/wife didn't want children?" Not acceptable? Thought not.

"Who will look after you if you got old?" - Well the money I save on not having children will allow me to pay for care. Plus, having children doesn't guarantee regular visits and having children so they can look after you when you get old is selfish and not a good reason to have them!

"Your child could grow up to cure cancer." - It could also grow up to be the next Adolf Hitler.

"It's natural. It's a woman's greatest achievement. It's a woman's role." - Oh PLEASE! I thought equal rights and a woman's right to choose had evolved from the middle ages - obviously not in your world.

"What if everyone felt like you, the human population would die out." - And why would that be a bad thing? If more people thought like me, the world wouldn't be severely over-populated like it is. The population growth on the planet cannot be sustained, there isn't enough resources.

"It's different when it's your own." - Yeah, it sure is! You can't give them back! What if I realised I'd make the biggest mistake of my life? I'd be fucked as there is no going back. Plus, if it's "so wonderful", why do you constantly bitch about how little sleep you've had? Or what a little shit your kid has been all day? Or that you have no money? Or about how little time you get to yourself? Or how you never get the time to do anything nice, like reading? Or that you never get the time or money to treat yourself? Or that you're constantly tired? Or that you never go out? Sounds like HELL!
Well, you know what? I went and got a manicure and pedicure yesterday, I had a great lie-in this morning, and I'm off out tonight with friends to a really nice restaurant and I'm probably going to drink expensive wine and not have to worry about getting up tomorrow.

"Don't you want to give your parents grandchildren?" - No, not really. My mum is happy with my decision. I think having a grandchild running around her child-unfriendly home would traumatise her anyway.

"What if your parents thought the same as you?" - What sort of stupid question is that? I wouldn't have existed, but because I wouldn't have existed, I wouldn't be around to know about it in the first place. But they did, and I didn't ask to be born.

It's as if breeders somehow think my life is unfulfilled, or that I secretly want children, or that I'm not happy and contended? Well, I am happy, I am contented. Do you get the message yet?

Am I a slob, or am I just relaxed and laid-back?

2010-06-02T12:11:00.009+01:00

I declare here and now, that I don't like housework, and I am untidy. In fact, my personal motto is:
"Only dull people have immaculate houses."
OK, I'm nowhere near your Wayne and Waynetta-type, nor would I qualify for "How Clean is Your House?" (Although, I don't know, as I've never seen the programme).

My mother, the seldom times that she visits, looks around the living room with that "smelt a smell" look on her face. She makes sly comments like, "Ooo, I see you still have those wires trailing behind the TV." I just know that she wants to grab and duster and rush around like a demented shrew.
Don't get me wrong, if my husband decided to be suddenly anal about tidying, I wouldn't actively stop him. In fact, I would gently encourage it. Anyway, that isn't going to happen, he's that bit lazier than me.

The biggest complement I can give my house-keeping skills, is that my house looks "lived-in". And when I say "lived-in" I mean like a house lived in by lazy people.

But am I truly lazy? Am I a true slob? Does my anti-house-work motto really mean that I'm disgusting?

I just can't understand how people can be so obsessive about being tidy. It takes far too much time! Time that could be spent doing something far more productive; like being on the computer, watching TV, reading, girlie shopping, going out or sitting in the garden on a lovely day. Or anything you want.

There was a discussion about vacuum cleaners at work (how exciting). I declared that I couldn't understand how people can spend hundreds of pounds on a Dyson - it's a fucking vacuum cleaner! Does it get itself out, vacuum up by itself, empty itself and put itself back in the cupboard? NO! For that much, I'd WANT it doing the above. Several people then stated that they have a Dyson and that they are fantastic. WTF? It's a vacuum cleaner!!! Mine broke a few months ago, and I really begrudged spending £40 on a new one. £300 for a vacuum? You could sensibly spend £40 and spend the other £260 on great wine or great food or flights for a holiday. If I told my husband I'd spent £300 on a vac, he'd hit the roof - and rightly so!
And when I do vac, I don't move the furniture - SHOCK, HORROR! Why would I? It's far too much effort, for a start and no one goes looking under the sofa for bits of muck. I vac a bit under the rug, because that moves itself, but other than that - NO!
I find it bizarre, that these people who are anal about house work, and spend hours on it, are often the same people who say they don't have time to cook properly. I wonder why? Surely, feeding your family good, healthy balanced meals is far more important for their health. OK, I enjoy cooking, and will happily spend time on it. But that's because I get something at the end of it - a great meal. Plus I know exactly what I've put in it.

Then there are the obsessives. My mother being one of them. Whenever I go round, she says, "Ooo, the house is untidy", when it quite clearly isn't. I mean, it's immaculate to the point you could perform open-heart surgery on the living room floor - just as long as you didn't get blood anywhere.
I go there, sit down with a cup of tea in one hand, the remote control next to me and the TV times next to me. I'll nip off to the bathroom, and when I come back, the remote will be back in it's own little remote control holder, the TV mag back in the magazine rack, and the mug washed, dried and put away.
I feel like saying, "How fucking long was I away? 24 hours and not 45 seconds?"

There are other people who I would regard as obsessive. One person who I work with has to be at work for 8am. She gets up at 5am everyday, cleans the bathroom, vacuums through and mops every room and tidies, THEN gets the kids up at 6.30! EVERY DAY! WTF?? Just how dirty can a house get in 24 hours, FFS?! 5am!! The only time I am up at 5am, is if I am working a night shift, or I'm getting up at stupid o'clock to catch a flight to go on holiday - or I haven't been to bed. Incidentally, it's also another reason why I'm Child-Free by Choice.
I just cannot understand why people are so obsessive, I really can't. Those who wash their bedding twice or three times a week??! WHAT? How dirty ARE YOU?

As for nagging your other half about tidying up, how is that any good? If I fancy a lazy day, I have one. So I don't mind if him indoors does, either. Although I do want him to do some things, I don't really care if he does very little. But that's only cos it saves me doing it. So what if last nights pots aren't always washed that evening? Life is too short to nag about it.

Well, in a nutshell, am I a slob or just relaxed and laid-back? Decide for yourself. At least I'm not neurotic, obsessive and anal. If you think I'm a slob, you can come and tidy up if you want.

Roast Partridge

2010-05-25T18:46:00.011+01:00

You'll need:

1 partridge per person.
Thyme
Salt and Pepper to season.

Crown the bird by carefully taking off the legs, wings and underneath - only if you know how to do it or have seen it done, you don't want to butcher the poor thing - the bits make a great stock.

Season birds all over with salt and pepper.
Stuff with fresh thyme

Fry on all sides, very quickly in a very hot, smoking pan to brown. Then cook in the oven for 10 to 15 minutes.

You can serve partridge slightly pink (not red or raw) in the middle. Indeed, it's tastier and juicier for it.

Goes really well with braised red cabbage, potato of your choice and a gorgeous gravy out the stock you made from the trimmings.
A slightly sweet gravy works well, which can be made by cooking off a little cider and adding chicken stock, and cooking it with the trimmings from the bird.

My recipe for a Thai Curry

2010-05-25T18:19:00.004+01:00

This works best with prawns, scallops or mussels or a whole fillet of fish. I used a fillet of sea bass last time I did this and it worked really well. Chunks of chicken breast work well too.

BTW, my measurements for recipes are never exact as I tend to just go with the flow.

For one to two people:
About 2 inches of fresh ginger root
Chillies - depending on how hot you like it
Several cloves of garlic
Bunch of fresh coriander
Good splash of soy sauce
Splash of fish sauce
1/2 small onion
Squeeze of a lemon and a lime (if you have them, it's not essential).
Approx 1/2 tin of coconut milk

*Blend all the above (apart from the coconut milk) in a blender
*Marinade your chosen meat for an hour or more
*In a HOT wok or high-sided large good quality non-stick frying pan, add your meat and keep it moving, also add the paste, but not so much that it cools down the pan (the meat stews if you do). (Use small chunks of chicken, if using, as the dish needs to be cooked quickly).
*If using a fillet of fish, use the frying pan and cook it skin side down for 3/4 of the time and briefly flip over and back again.
*Cook your meat/fish 3/4 of the time needed, don't over-cook.
*Meanwhile, heat the coconut milk until nearly boiling
*When fish is nearly cooked, add the hot coconut milk in and finish cooking for a further minute, stirring the coconut milk and marinade so they blend.

Serve with rice.
Vegetables such as sugar-snap peas, peppers or brocolli work well, but if you use them I would use a wok, as the vegetables cook better. If you are using a fillet of fish and want to add veg, cook them seperately in a wok as the veg takes longer and you don't want to overcook the fish.

Child-Free by Choice and My 140 ++ Reasons Why!

2010-05-22T16:38:00.038+01:00

This blog (and the others) probably wouldn't have started if I hadn't got fed-up of people nattering at me as to why I don't have children, so if any holier-than-thou parents are offended, it's your fault this is written, because on numerous occasions, I have been looked down on, as if I am less of a woman for making a personal choice. This is meant to be light-hearted, although every reason is valid. I didn't think the list would be SO long, but once I got started, reasons kept coming.
Technically, there should only be one reason: "I don't want children." As it's mine and my husbands choice.
This is for all those child-free women and men out there, who feel the same as we do.

(They are in no particular order.)

1. I do not like children. I am not maternal, my husband is not paternal.
2. Just because I am married, does not automatically force me to become a breeding machine.
3. My husband is my no1 in my life. He is my best friend, my confidant and my lover. I do not want him being pushed aside for another, nor do I want another person overtaking him as my priority in life.
4. As I work shifts, nights and weekends on a regular basis, and my husband usually works Monday to Friday, we don't get a lot of days off together. We probably get about three or four days off together a month and not often more than one in a row. With child-care, that would be reduced further.
5. Due to my shift rotation, my social life suffers. This would become a great deal worse with children.
6. I enjoy current affairs, the news and politics. I am able to keep in touch with that.
7. Women still die in child-birth. I'm not taking the risk, thanks.
8. The pain of labour, over an indeterminate number of hours and eventually pushing something the size of a melon out of there!! No thank you!!
9. I don't fancy any of the complications of pregnancy; such as, diabetes, varicose veins, haemorrhoids, pre-eclampsia, etc etc.
10. I don't want my body to change, ie; stretch marks, loose skin, weight gain.
11. I don't want to give up eating the things I love for 9 months, such as; soft cheeses, wine and shell fish.
12. I love my own company, I love the peace and quiet.
13. I love getting out of bed at whatever time I like, when I'm not at work.
14. I LOVE my sleep.
15. I still look young for my age.
16. I love my holidays, and can travel more frequently and am not limited to summer or school break times, or to child-friendly destinations. I can go at off-peak times.
17. When I go on holiday, I can sit and read my book on the sun lounger all day, if I choose. I don't have to entertain a child.
18. When I go on holiday, I can go out when I want and come back when I want.
19. I can go on holiday in off-peak time, when I am less likely to run into other families with screaming kids.
20. I can live in whatever town or city I like without concerning myself with quality of school districts, child-friendliness, etc.
21. I don't have to live near my family in order to have a babysitter.
22. Work and money permitting, I can go out in an evening to wherever I want, and come back whenever I want.
23. I never have to worry about getting a babysitter.
24. I never have to worry about the babysitter.
25. I can curse, swear, shout, argue, debate and vent freely in my home without worrying about censoring myself.
26. My food bill is cheaper, without buying child-food. I can concentrate all my money on the food me and my husband want.
27. I am not faced with an ungrateful brat who won't eat anything. Or one who wastes food because they are faddy.
28. I don't have to worry about what my child is eating.
29. I don't have to worry about who my child hangs around with at school, what school they go to, who are their friends, or what they get up to. Will they get bullied? Will they do well at school? Will they read well?
30. I don't want to worry about my child's health.
31. I don't want a moody teenager. I don't want Little Miss being a madam.
32. I don't want to worry about what a teenager gets up to.
33. I don't want to spend a large amount of my income on anyone other than myself or my husband.
34. I don't want to have to worry about university fees.
35. I can save for retirement.
36. I can spend my retirement where I want, and don't have to become a babysitter for grandchildren.
37. I don't have to impose on my mum to become a babysitter. She has her own life.
38. I don't spend my life in a complete state of tiredness from lack of sleep and getting up several times a night.
39. I don't have to worry about whether breast is best, whether to bottle-feed, sterilising bottles, or getting cracked nipples, or having my nipples bitten my a baby with a tooth coming.
40. I don't have to put up with a toddler with a tantrum, and tantrums aren't confined to toddlers either. They go on for all a child's life, but are manifested in different ways, amounting to the same reason: "I want."
41. I hate screaming children.
42. I don't have to change nappies.
43. I don't have to cancel last-minute plans because my child is ill.
44. I don't burden my employee with maternity leave or phoning in sick because my child is ill.
45. I don't have to take hours getting my child ready whenever I want to go out.
46. I can buy a car with two seats or a sports car if I want, if money permits.
47. If it's sunny, I don't have to battle with a cranky child when I have to put suncream on it.
48. If I want a day out, I don't have to mess about finding somewhere that has facilities for children.
49. I don't have to watch Postman Pat twenty times.
50. I don't have to listen to teenage music, or children's music for the 50th time that day.
51. I can go to bed what time I want, depending on when I have to get up for work.
52. I can get drunk, knowing I can have a lie-in the next day. I don't have to worry about putting up with a child when I have a hangover.
53. I don't bore people with photo's of my children, and I have more things to chat about than my children.
54. I can play loud music without disturbing my sleeping child.
55. We can eat dinner when we want it, and not at stupid o'clock.
56. I can go to the pub without having to find somewhere that allows children.
57. I don't have to sit in the awful family-friendly section of pubs.
58. I will never be a yummy mummy.
59. My house is not filled with children's toys.
60. My house isn't and doesn't have to be child-friendly.
61. I am untidy, it would be worse with children.
62. I don't have to become pally with the other mothers in the playground.
63. I like to come in after work, and do nothing if I please.
64. After working nights, I can sleep for hours and hours, and get up and do nothing.
65. If I feel like having a lazy day on my days off, I can.
66. I enjoy reading a book.
67. I enjoy sitting at the computer, without a child hassling me.
68. I don't have to inflict an annoying screaming brat on other poor people in a shop.
69. I don't have to behave or set an example.
70. I don't have baby-brain.
71. I don't have constant interruptions if I am doing something.
72. I don't have to be a chauffeur for my child.
73. I never have to host a children's party, or ever have to go to one. I don't think there is anything worse.
74. Couples with children, generally have less sex. I can be intimate at any time and anywhere in the house.
75. I spend less time on housework, which I hate.
76. We can be spontaneously romantic if we so wish. We can go out on dates, have lovely dinners and spoil each other.
77. Children do not necessarily make you happy.
78. I am very happy in my relationship, as it currently is. I am happy with my life.
79. I do not suffer with striving to "have it all."
80. I do not have to put up with other yummy mummies who go on about how great little Johnnie is at school.
81. I will never have to pay child support.
82. I never have to put up with a child nagging constantly about wanting the new latest toy or must have.
83. Christmas can be hassle-free if I want it. It doesn't have to be a child-focused materialistic expensive nightmare.
84. I never have to get out of bed an hour earlier to get the kids ready for school/babysitter.
85. On long drives, I don't have to put up with the stress of the children misbehaving in the back of the car and I can listen to my choice of music in the car, or listen to the radio.
86. I set my own agenda
87. I have more broad interests than what my child does/what he says/what he does etc
88. I will never have morning sickness or post-natal depression.
89. My identity is perfectly intact.
90. Babies are cute and lovely; but if they poo, scream or I just get bored, I can give them back.
91. I have as much "me" time as I want. Or as much "our" time as I want, shift pattern permitting.
92. If I chose to own a pet, the poor thing doesn't have to put up with a child teasing it.
93. I have the time to take care of my personal appearance.
94. I can spend a stupid amount on food and wine if I chose.
95. I can do things spontaneously, when I want, if I want.
96. My house is quiet, relaxing and welcoming.
97. I have more disposable income.
98. I don't have to buy a house with more bedrooms.
99. I have a longer attention span.
100. I don't have to educate someone else.
101. My body is not ravaged by child-birth.

102. My best friend, whom I have known for over 30 years, has a 5 year old boy. Now, he's quite sweet, cute and funny for about 30 minutes, and I do love him.
She wouldn't be without him, and although "regret" is the wrong term, she said quite openly and honest:
"If I knew how hard it was, I wouldn't have bothered."
She isn't maternal, and finds motherhood very hard. She told me, frankly,
"If you are in the least bit unsure: DON'T! Your life will never be the same again."
She also went on to mention about "baby-brain" and that her intellect has never been the same since she was pregnant.
103. I don't ever have to worry about little Johnny blurting something politically incorrect out in front of a crowd.
104. If I am full of cold, I don't have to struggle on through, and look after a child. I can laze around and sup chicken soup to make myself feel better.
105. I don't have to put up with other people; many of whom would be strangers, coming and giving me advice on what I should and shouldn't do when raising my child. Or looking down their nose at me because I don't do what they do, and they don't approve.
106. I don't have to worry that I might be a bad parent, or that I am doing things wrong.
107. I don't have to be responsible.
108. Bringing up children is HARD, I don't want to work that hard and for that long.
109. There are 6 billion people in the world. That's too many already.
110. I don't have to worry about what kind of person my child would grow up to be. I would try and install my values and beliefs, but what if they grow up with racist views? Or vastly opposing political and moral beliefs?
111. I don't have to worry about it growing up resenting me.
112. I don't have think about having to wait until it grows up before I get my life back - and they being coerced into looking after grandchildren.
113. My neighbours will be pleased I don't have a baby screaming at all hours.
114. I don't have a toddler messing with my make-up.
115. I don't have to worry about the handle of the boiling pan on the cooker being pulled at by a curious toddler.
116. I don't have to worry about the risk of having a child with disabilities.
117. I am grumpy when I'm tired. I also become tetchy. I don't want a screaming baby or whining child winding me up.
118. TEARING in child-birth! OMG!
119. Episiotomies!! http://bit.ly/9ycnpW (Warning, site may make you change your mind if you already can't decide).
120. We can go in a pub/bar for lunch and not have to go to a child-friendly place and put up with other people's screaming maggots. Why do people think it's acceptable for them to allow their maggots to run around and annoy everyone else, just because they want to get pissed?
121. Being frustrated, irate, annoyed and aggravated at home is a lot rarer for me, rather than a daily occurrence if we had children.
122. When I see a cute outfit, I want it for myself.
123. I can sit and do something by myself, without hassle, without, "Mummy, look at this, Mummy do this, Mummy can I have a go....."
124. The noises coming from my house isn't a screaming child, it's loud music.
125. Homo sapiens evolved a pelvis which allowed for comfort and ease of walking and standing erect. This also made child-birth painful. I'm sticking with the standing erect and walking as the better end of the equation.
126. Evolution, walking and pelvis shape also dictated that human babies are born far too immature, otherwise they would not fit through a woman's pelvis if they were born at the correct developmental stage. Interesting.
127. EuroDisney/DisneyWorld/Flamingoland is not my idea of a holiday!
128. I love London, Paris, Barcelona for holiday breaks. I like museums and history. Most children don't.
129. I dislike adult parties where children are in attendance. They get in the way, barge into people and their parents often ignore them until one of them falls over and screams the place down.
130. We/I can go away for a weekend to meet up or stay with friends without having to drag along a child or inflict the child on other child-free couples/singles, spoiling the ambience.
131. I don't want to be THAT parent who everyone is staring at because my child is the one screaming and not behaving and ruining everyone else's time.
132. I like to be on the beach and relaxing, not constantly worrying about my child drowning in the water.
133. I don't want to be paranoid if a man who I don't know half-looks at my child and then my dumb ass baby-brain goes into over-drive and I assume he's a paedophile.
134. I don't want to have to put up with my child's friends or any sleep-overs.
135. I want to go hassle-free food shopping, without "Mam, can I have this, Mam can I have that!" And then temper-tantrums because I won't buy them.
136. I enjoy going out without whining brat constantly complaining or going "I'm bored."
137. I don't have to deal with toilet-training a child.
138. When I go out, I don't have to be constantly aware of where my child is.
139. I can eat an entire packet of sweets without having to share.
140. When I sit down to a meal, I am glad I don't have to get up every two minutes to see to a child at the table.
141. I refuse to pander to what other people think I should do or be. It's my life.
142. School holidays are long!
143. The world is severely over-populated. Half of the worlds population don't have access to clean water. We should be spending money and concentrating our minds on eliminating poverty, rather than just contributing to destroying the planet with more consumers.
144. I don't want to contribute further to my carbon footprint by producing another carbon-producing baby. A study was done in the US, which showed that even if a couple were carbon-neutral, producing a two children would produce 40x that carbon!
145. I don't want my stuff ruining.

So there you go! Is the message loud and clear, yet?

Child-Free by Choice

2010-05-08T10:22:00.024+01:00

We live in a child-centred society, but I don't have children and never really wanted them. It was never one of my goals in life when I was young and I've never been maternal. I don't know when the exact moment occurred when I made the active decision as a definite "no", but throughout my adult life, I've never been "bothered". When I was a kid, I didn't like dolls, I played with Barbie, who never had kids, but had a cool boyfriend.
Luckily, I met a man who not only treats me with respect, love and kindness; he also has the same view as me. We are a normal, well-adjusted, happy couple who have decided to never have children. As far as we are concerned, we are a family of two, and that is no more or less valid than any other family. We aren't child-hating, nor are we career-driven selfish yuppies, nor are we self-absorbed or immature. Yet we are both made to feel like we should justify our choice not to have children. We are looked at and questioned like we're odd. Surely we'll "change our mind" or "regret it". Above all, we are WRONG!!

The nagging started several years ago, shortly after we got married. A colleague of mine (I was in my late 20's at the time) said, "I bet you'll have children within 5 years".
I was slightly offended by this, as if, as an adult, I was unable to make my own mind up.

Well we didn't have children and I'm now in my mid-thirties, and this year, we will have been married 10 years. My husband is 43. Don't people think that we would have at least started to try and have children by now, if we'd wanted?

Over the years, I've almost got used to the inevitable patronising, pitying comments and questions. Actually, no, I've got sick of it! I am fed up of people asking me if I have children, and when I say "No", people often then saying "Oh you will" or "Why not?" as if, once married, I'm automatically obliged to turn into a breeding machine. These parents then go on about how wonderful it all is, as they sit there red-eyed through lack of sleep.

Why do parent's - mostly women - just because I say "No", automatically think it's acceptable to start grilling me about why not? Or look at me as if I'm odd or selfish or wrong.
Do I start asking them "Why did you have children?" or "Oh my God, you have children?"
I imagine they might find it a surprising question, or even be offended. So why do people think the vice versa is acceptable?

If you want children, that's your decision and your business. As it's my decision to actively remain child-free. Actually, it's not an "active" decision, it's the default setting. And I am happy with that decision.

I've even been asked, "Why did you get married if you don't want children?" Love, security, because we wanted to?
Other offensive questions have been;
"Don't you worry you'll regret it?"
Do I ask them "Don't you regret having children?" No, I don't! So why is it acceptable you ask me?
I've been asked, "What about when you're old? Don't you worry about being lonely?"
Of course I worry about getting old, but having children doesn't guarantee they'll come every weekend to visit, they have their own lives to lead. They may fall out with me. Plus, worrying about being old and alone, isn't a valid enough reason.

I've also been told, "It's different when it's your own." So is rabies.

I've even been asked, "What would you do if you DID get pregnant?" Isn't that a bit of a personal question? Why don't they just turnaround and ask me what my view on abortion is, or even ask me if I've had an abortion, or would have one? Surely that's my own business. Would I ever say to them, "Why didn't you have an abortion?" Of course I never would! So why are you asking me?............ And, incidentally, I use something called "contraception". It's free and available to everyone.

Now, when asked, I just turn around and say, "We're happily child-free by choice." I say "child-free" because saying "childless" implies that it's something negative in our lives. When it's exactly the opposite for us. We are, in our minds, "free". I have never felt that I have somehow "missed out" on something. Nor do I ever look in envy at a mother.

If I did want children, I would adopt a child. There are thousands of children who have no one to love them, so why can't couples adopt if they are "so desperate"?

I also get fed up of how I am penalised by my employer and the Government for staying child-free.
Now I am all for child-friendly employers and support maternity leave, but why do employers fall over themselves offering maternity leave, but if I want to take a career break, I have to jump through hoops to get it?
Why do I have to take on extra responsibilities at work, for no extra pay, yet X person with children can't, because she's "busy at home with her children."
Why can Mummy or Daddy have paid time off to look after little Johnnie because he's ill, yet when my husband's mum died, and I wanted to support him, I was made to feel like I was "letting the place down" and was forced into taking some annual leave instead of my full entitlement of compassionate leave.
The Government gives tax breaks for parents, yet I have always worked and paid taxes, and this will not change.
I will always support the Government for supporting those who are less well off, and in times of need, and believe whole-heartedly in the welfare state, but this isn't about that. You chose to have children. It doesn't entitle everyone else to have to sacrifice themselves and work harder, while you get a tax break as if what you are doing is some kind of self-sacrifice. And no, you shouldn't get priority in the work place for the better shifts, more weekends off and first "dibs" at annual leave. I BELIEVE IN WORKERS RIGHTS, BUT FOR EVERYONE.

No doubt there are people who may read this, that are either puzzled, or even offended at what I have written, some people might think I'm a militant feminist. Or think I am selfish or weird.
But if I hadn't been nagged at to reproduce, or asked why on far too many occasions, on what is a deeply personal choice; this blog and the 101 Reasons on part 2, wouldn't have been written.

For Part 2 of this blog, which lists the 101 Reasons Why, see:
http://bit.ly/ctRGfM

Incidentally, it is no longer 101 reasons, it's gone up considerably.

Chicken Tandoori Made Easy!

2010-05-08T09:30:00.012+01:00

This is for 3 chicken breasts, whole. You can use any part of the chicken for this, but for me it works best with either wings or breasts. If you use breasts, you can either have them whole on the bone or cut up into chunks and put several on a skewer for the BBQ. This also works well on a chicken crown, you just need to adjust the cooking time. If using breast on-the-bone whole, slice into the chicken breast a few times - but not right through to the bone. This allows the marinade to permeate the chicken.

You'll need:
3 x Chicken breasts on the bone/fillets (or whatever cut you're using)
Tandoori powder. Not any old crap you get from the supermarket, but proper stuff from the local Indian Store. It's a vivid red spice.
Chilli powder (optional)
Natural Yoghurt

Add approx two to three tablespoons of tandoori powder to a small bowl, and add in about a teaspoon of chilli powder, depending on how hot you like it. I often don't even use chilli powder, as it's fine without.
Mix.
Add approx three tablespoons of the natural yoghurt, and mix the spices and yoghurt together thoroughly to a sloppy paste consistency.
Now spread all over the chicken.
Marinade for as long as possible in the fridge for ideally 24 hours.
Yes, I know it looks weird at this point.

After marinading, wipe any excess marinade off (that comes off easily without scrubbing!) with kitchen roll - if you have marinaded it long enough, the chicken will be stained a yellow-red and the flavours will have penetrated the flesh, so you won't lose flavour. Cook on a wire mesh over a oven-dish, as excess marinade tends to sit there a separate a little.

This is great prepared in advance, as it MUST marinade, or don't bother even trying.

The finished dish!

Dream Dinner Party Guests.

2010-04-05T00:40:00.004+01:00

I have thought about my Dream Dinner Party Guests for a few years now. Having the rich and not so rich, famous and infamous to dinner, would be fascinating. Being a pretty good cook, I can usually impress, or at least please and not poison, my friends. However, cooking for friends is one thing. Cooking for strangers - however much I think I might know them from TV or book - is a different matter all together. For a start, I could not invite them all at once. Having all these interesting people all at once would be over-whelming. There is also the fact that any one of the the fantasy people I have chosen, would intimidate me to a point where I couldn't EAT or TALK properly, never mind COOK a dam thing. And as for the amount of wine I would consume due to shear nervousness, it isn't worth thinking about the humiliation I would forever endure.

But if you put aside the reality of some of my guests being inconveniently dead - in some cases long dead - and getting these famous people together, all at once, without any of them being busy or even wanting to dine, with other complete strangers in my inner city area of Leeds, in a small house, in a small kitchen, round a small table, hosted by a nervous 30-something nobody and with no one of strong opinion, arguing with another, well you've got yourself a party.

Watch this space for my list.

Poll: Who was Henry VIII's true love?

2010-03-25T22:22:00.000Z

Poll: Who was Henry VIII's true love?
I voted for the wonderful, Anne Boleyn.

Lanzarote and bye bye Jamiesons

2010-03-16T17:23:00.002Z

Lanzarote was wonderful. Although the weather was cool in an evening, during the day it was mostly fabulous, especially toward the end of the week.

The return journey, however, wasn't.

On our last day of holiday, I always get pissed off. Flying is so fecking boring and uncomfortable, and all we had to look forward to was miserable, cold, dank Manchester. And work.

We booked our flights with an airline that I won't mention called THOMAS COOK. The "fun" started on Monday 15th. Our flights were about 1530, and check-in opened two hours before. Struggling to find the check-in desk, we just looked for the one with the biggest queue - and there it was - the one flying to Manchester (or "hell").

Being British, we obviously love a long queue (no!) so joined it. After what seemed like an eternity, we got to the front. I had a feeling we were slightly over, but hey-ho.

We were 5kg over.
Thomas Cook wanted to charge us €70!!!

WHAT?! That's €14 a KG!! (Just under £14 or $28). How I held my tongue, I don't know. Well, actually, I didn't. I looked away and said, quite loudly, so the gormless bint on the check-in would hear, "That's taking the fucking piss." More than once.
I then turned around to see a man who literally looked like he weighed twice as much as me, and had the body-shape of an orange. My BMI being 23, his looking significantly more than 30. Yet HE PAID THE SAME AIR FARE AS ME!!! HE WEIGHED a HELL of a LOT MORE than 5kg MORE than ME. So WHY do I have to pay an extra €70??!?!?!!
She then asked "Are you going to pay or rearrange?"
I know she's only doing her job, but all I want to do is go home - well actually, I didn't. I wanted to fuck off back to the apartment and waste more time reading and sunbathing.
Needless to say, TC weren't getting any more fecking Euro's, so we rearranged. So we were there, rearranging clothes, threw away a few cheap towels. I zipped up the suitcase - or thought I had - and pulled the thing up, angrily, only to realise I had actually UNzipped the thing - as a cascade of underwear and various other items launched themselves from the suitcase like rats out of a sewer. At this point, I laughed. Although, it was more of an insane cackle.
We re-joined the queue. Luckily, this time, we were under and the cases went on their jolly way.
Going through customs is always fun.
This time was double-fun.
Already in a bad mood, we put our bags on the scanner.
There was a bit of finger-pointing at the screen. The woman opened the suitcase, and suddenly, it dawned: In the confusion of re-arranging, my one saving souvenir, my beautiful bottle of Single Barrel Special Irish Whisky, Jamiesons, had been put into hand luggage instead of hold. Of course, customs do not allow liquids in hand luggage. At this point, a tear actually welled up, if only for a second. I told the gaffer to "enjoy it, it's yours" and we walked away, head-low. As we had spent out holiday money, we didn't have quite enough to buy another bottle in duty-free.
On the plus-side, the flight home was cramped, noisy and uncomfortable. We were far too close to the wining loud brat and the weather in Manchester was cold and miserable.

First blog!

2010-03-16T10:48:00.001Z

Firstly, "Hello" to anyone reading this, and "Welcome to my first blog". To be honest, I'll be amazed if anyone actually reads this.

I don't know what made me think about blogging stuff, probably something to do with having plenty to rant on about or moan about. I didn't have a secret diary as a kid, nor did I try and write poetry. Although I did try and write a song or two as a teen, although I don't think I ever got past one verse or a chorus without running out of inspiration.

Are blogs a good thing or a bad thing?

On the one hand, am I getting things off my chest or am I revealing too much of my inner soul?

Am I amusing enough? (barely).

Am I just plain old dull? (probably).

Will people laugh at my grammer and spelling? (No, judging by the annoying way people seem to type in text speak, which is HARDER to read)

Will they understand my sarcasm and irony, or just think I am being offensive?

Do I put the link on my facebook and then be forced to endure the laughter of work collegues? (That is, of course, if they click on the link and take time to read.)

Why am I even worried when people probably won't read it anyway? Or will they read the first line or two and get bored and find a slightly more interesting app on their iphone to play with.

If you have read this far, well done! You have stamina!

You must be either: (a) Bored or (b) Become my obsessive stalker. I feel almost privileged, yet embarrassed at the same time.